Vacay

I need a vacation. doing therapy is intense. Is it weird that I'm about to turn thirty and I blast hip/hop and techno music out of my ricer?

Wednesdays Hump Days

Wednesdays are supposed to be good sail-on-through-the-day day. The next three days are going to be hellish and I am not happy.

I can be a hot librarian

I'm at the library, in the branch in the city so that I can enjoy the clean smell of oxygen - not dirtiness and urine. See, I'm letting go of my elitist ways. So, at said library, I think there is a mildly attractive older married man sitting diagonal from me, but I cannot tell because, a) he is wearing a hat and b ) I have only made side glances at him.

After a few months of soul searching, I learned that I like to live in fantasy land and everyone is allowed to join. If a person's image, behavior, or words distorts this fantasy, I eject rays of hate at him/her. Natalie Fantasy must persist, hence my refusals to engage in conversation with green pants guy or developing a romantic and intimate relationship with a male partner. Every fantasy I have, living alone, living with roommates, getting a dog, being a psychologist, moving to California has been speckled with horrors of reality. I'm so over it.

Keep me in fantasy. It feels a whole lot warmer and fuzzy here. Oh, but lonely too.

green shorts guy

he's switching it up! he wore black shorts yesterday and a pasty gray shirt. i walked by him and didn't even realize it. he is mighty tall when i get brave enough to rub elbows with him. i even think he's cut his hair, again!

i will try to post a pic of him soon. wow. i have become THAT guy. sneaking pics of attractive people at the gym.

i think he has insecurities about his legs. most white men have chicken leg syndrome. he does the squat press like 80% of the time when I'm checking him out, which is 95% of how i spend my time there.

also, when he's not there, i imagine that he is so i can work out better. when he is there, i get so nervous that i have to imagine that he's NOT there. it's all sorts of stupid thinking.

the schedule

my day is separated by eating times.

wake up for breakfast, do work until lunch, work until gym, so i can eat after the gym. food is the main goal of the day.

i feel like that is a lame way to live.

AHHHH

im dying. vomiting and poopy. AHHHHHHHHHHH