how the hell am i supposed to run at 156 bpm for 60mins. maybe 30mins, but 60?!??!?! she's (trainer) killing me.

and pray tell am i going to find the means to pay for a trainer. 8 sessions. $650. what?!

anonymous

where art thou?

no. no apologies

for the non-descriptive post of the fall. it was traumatizing and i did not want to induce anxiety from describing the horrific tumble. my ankle hurts.

Yesterday, I helped (molested) this Ken-Adonis put on the Club Monaco white Sutherland buttoned-down shirt. At first I was shy making physical contact with a straight man at Club, but I pretended he was my boyfriend who needed my styling touch, emphasis on the touching. I said, "Your biceps are too big for this shirt. It fits your broad shoulders perfectly."

He wanted me to show him how to wear the sleeves. I pushed the sleeves over his smooth-skinned arm to fasten the cuffs properly.

He asked, "How much is this?" Promptly, I caressed the back of his neck as I reached down to look at the tag. He gave me a big thumbs up after the dressing room interlude. Ahhh,..the Majo still works.

bastards

i work hard on these posts and you bastards have nothing to say. ass!!!

on a good note, shit...so many funny things happened yesterday but i got home too late to post them. i think one included me ohhh yes. HAHAHAH wait. no...shit. ohhh.. nope.. crap.

okay forget it.

nat go boom boom

i fell down the steps at the mall..my leg hurts :(

Saboteur!

Couple of issues to address.
One, why do i look at facebook picture albums of people who i don't care about? it's like a car accident and i cant turn my head away from the wreckage. wait a minute. i never look at car accidents. i refuse to add to the traffic jam. it's more similar to checking out a very hot guy or a professional sports player. i know i shouldn't do it, but i cant help it! they are too hot to go ungawked.

Second, i hate it when people compliment me. i get self-conscious wondering if Person A is watching my progress. i feel like they watch me with the corner of their eyes, so instead i slack off and become unenthusiastic. i want them to have low expectations so i can act as free as i want. they take away the sense of self-satisfaction when they acknowledge my superb retail and/or academic skills. keep the adulation to yourself. eyes off of me and onto others!!!

Last, the best way to hit on the only semi-cute heterosexual guy shopping at Club Monaco is asking for his ID, then asking the origin of his last name...and then mentioning that you watched "My Big Fat Greek Wedding' when he announces that he is Greek. i thought to myself, "natalie, don't say it. you will only scare him." then i said, "oh well. who cares? it will be funny." he became amusingly fearful after i asked him several personal questions, "how do you commute to work?" "where do you live," and "what is your phone number?"

Maybe I am a total self-saboteur. I see the gold, but don't feel like reaching for it. I will settle for the bronze because there's always room to move up. Once you get the gold, you have to work way too hard to keep it. i like smooth sailing with moderate effort. everyone is happy and no one really wants to kick your ass off the podium.

Or it's like, there are always two choices to every situation. I can act according to Plan A or Plan B. Plan A exhibits normal behavior while Plan B displays humorous/weird actions that results in funny blog posts. I always go for Plan B. Maybe I should go for Plan A so I can finally be conventional and widely accepted.

Textually Challenged

Why is it that boys are the worst texter backers? Boys believe that 95% of texts do not warrant a reply. However, girls will send text confirmations like it's their god-given duty.

Girl on Girl Texts:
"Hey are you coming?"
"Yea, be right there in five."
"Okay"
"Yea, see you soon"
"Cool. Bye!"
"I'm finding a parking space"
"Okay, I'll put our names down"
"Found a space. Walking up."
"I'm at the bar"
"Save me a seat. There's a small line"
"Omg there are so many cute boys in here."
"What are you wearing?"
"Jeans and a T"
"Good. Me too." "Okay I'm in"
"I see you"
"HI!"

Girl on Boy Texts:
"Hey want to meet for drinks?"
......
"I'll be at Jone's in thirty."
......... .....
"Text me. I'm here if you're around."
................
"Okay, I'm leaving. Nevermind."
................
...............
........................
"I HATE YOU!"

5K ran and conquered!

I admit, this color aint me, but it ain't as bad as the pink throw-up that was the last template.

Today, I was about 20 feet away from Matt Cain, pitcher for the SF Giants. He sounds dumb as a brick and cute as a broken button. I can't believe I stood that close to an MLB player!!! WEEEE!!! and I met Greg from the 92.7 show. He was uber nice for it being 9am on a Sunday morning. Total kudos to local semi-celebs.

I got to run on the field and have my face shown on the big screen at AT&T Park. I can feel me getting closer to my goal!!! Nex stop, dugout makeouts.