Friday, May 6
I'm going to throw up. I have the jummy shakes and I don't know what to do with myself. This can either go really really really bad or really good. Either way I'm just screwing myself over again and I have no one to blame but myself. None of my friends will want to hear about and I will be up shit creek without a paddle all by myself.
I've come to the conclusion that I like drama and I like putting myself through emotional turmoil because easiness and coasting through life just isn't interesting enough for me. How did I get to be such a drama queen? Maybe, I'm like those adrenaline junkies who can't go through the day without doing something extremely stupid like jumping off a cliff for kicks, but for me the cliff will be someone's door and the jumping off part would be me knocking on the door.
I've come to the conclusion that I like drama and I like putting myself through emotional turmoil because easiness and coasting through life just isn't interesting enough for me. How did I get to be such a drama queen? Maybe, I'm like those adrenaline junkies who can't go through the day without doing something extremely stupid like jumping off a cliff for kicks, but for me the cliff will be someone's door and the jumping off part would be me knocking on the door.
Thursday, May 5
Why do I clam up when I'm trying to break up with someone or explain my feelings to a guy? I'm going to try to end it with him tonight. I feel like I'm going to cave though. I tried to break it off about three weeks ago with this person, we will start calling him #2. #2 went from super affectionate to super assnut in about an eight hour turn-around time while we were on a mini-vaca.
From South Carolina to North Carolina, I prepped myself up to end it with him. I had a total of FIVE hours to do this. I told myself every thirty minutes that I was doing it. Once we reached state lines, I mentally recited my lines. With every exit, I took a deep breath to remind myself of his shitty behavior, but once we were forty-five minutes away from our apartment complex, I started hyperventilating. As the minutes and exits drew closer, my throat closed up and I totally forgot what I was going to say. We finally arrived at my building and I clammed up. FIVE HOURS OF WORK down the drain. Why can't I just cut it off like I do everything and everyone else? I'm such a bitch in real life and a complete terror with my dog. Why do I keep playing nice with this retard? He's really like a puppy that you can't help but feel sorry for and you end up forgiving him for his messups. I need a crate. Who gots a crate big enough for a human? About 5'10 1/2."
From South Carolina to North Carolina, I prepped myself up to end it with him. I had a total of FIVE hours to do this. I told myself every thirty minutes that I was doing it. Once we reached state lines, I mentally recited my lines. With every exit, I took a deep breath to remind myself of his shitty behavior, but once we were forty-five minutes away from our apartment complex, I started hyperventilating. As the minutes and exits drew closer, my throat closed up and I totally forgot what I was going to say. We finally arrived at my building and I clammed up. FIVE HOURS OF WORK down the drain. Why can't I just cut it off like I do everything and everyone else? I'm such a bitch in real life and a complete terror with my dog. Why do I keep playing nice with this retard? He's really like a puppy that you can't help but feel sorry for and you end up forgiving him for his messups. I need a crate. Who gots a crate big enough for a human? About 5'10 1/2."
Wednesday, May 4
Why is personal pain funny? I had a really large post about what just happened between this guy and I, but I started feeling bad posting all my drama. It's cathartic in a way, but sometimes I get sad letting everyone in the world read the debacle that is my life. It's not helping that I'm listening to No Doubt's Rock Steady, which is full of melancholy relationship bullshit.
Apparently, I'm not cold-hearted enough because I was just played a fool by a retard. The worst part of it all is that I have write off a really expensive bra and a pair of earrings as a loss.
Apparently, I'm not cold-hearted enough because I was just played a fool by a retard. The worst part of it all is that I have write off a really expensive bra and a pair of earrings as a loss.
Retard emailed me the other day and asked me to see a movie with him. I, obviously, replied and said, "Yes." Retard emailed me today saying that he is "still exhausted from finals and needs to clean the apt. Can [he] cancel and hang out on Friday instead." My natural reaction to this email was full of rage and disgust. I will take immediate action and break up with this fool. This retard is the one who I like, not the one who I wanted to break it off with last week. This is going to be hard. What do I say to him? "You're retarded. I can't deal with your dating stupidity?"
Fuck him. I want my earrings and fifty dollar bra that I left at his apartment. I hate him.
The girl who gets stepped all over on is the one who thinks that maybe the guy wants to tidy up the apartment before letting a girl spend time in there. However, the sane girl will think, "He had Monday night to clean and and part of Tuesday night. What is this fool doing Thursday night that is so important that he wants to pencil me in on Friday?" In addition, why is he doing this all on email? Mother of fucking pearl. This is almost as bad as breaking up on the answering machine, although no one owns an answering machine these days and messages are left on voicemail.
I haven't replied to the latest email so he hasn't received a confirmation stating that I am knowledgable about our canceled plans tonight. Is this fool going to call me and tell me? Probably not because he is retarded.
It is not going to be pretty when I go over there to drop off his shit and pick up my stuff. He will be blind-sided by anger. Maybe I should stop dating geeks and go back to greeks. At least they last longer than four pumps.
Fuck him. I want my earrings and fifty dollar bra that I left at his apartment. I hate him.
The girl who gets stepped all over on is the one who thinks that maybe the guy wants to tidy up the apartment before letting a girl spend time in there. However, the sane girl will think, "He had Monday night to clean and and part of Tuesday night. What is this fool doing Thursday night that is so important that he wants to pencil me in on Friday?" In addition, why is he doing this all on email? Mother of fucking pearl. This is almost as bad as breaking up on the answering machine, although no one owns an answering machine these days and messages are left on voicemail.
I haven't replied to the latest email so he hasn't received a confirmation stating that I am knowledgable about our canceled plans tonight. Is this fool going to call me and tell me? Probably not because he is retarded.
It is not going to be pretty when I go over there to drop off his shit and pick up my stuff. He will be blind-sided by anger. Maybe I should stop dating geeks and go back to greeks. At least they last longer than four pumps.
Monday, May 2
What do you do when you are dating a social retard? Do you let him slide because he doesn't know any better or do you reprimand him like a puppy who pisses on the carpet? I don't think it's my job to teach a 23 year-old dating etiquette because I'm leaving in three months and he'll just use his new-found skills on some other female and woo her. I don't want to waste my time and energy for a three month stint. However, I am miserable having to wait for this retard to call me when he's done with his geeky lab shit, albiet it's finals and he's a hot nerd.
Where do you draw the line at social inadequecies? My best friend is the biggest clothes snob in the world and her boyfriend bought her a tacky fur coat from Cold Water Creek. Mind you, she only shops at Banana Republic and Armani. Her boyfriend even left her purse on the subway and forgot to take it with him when they got off the train. He figured, "Someone will return it." Hey Buddy. This is New York, not fucking Kansas. No one returns lost items, especially a bag with Tiffany jewlery and Steve Madden shoes.
The worst buzz kill in the world is when your girl friend yells, "You're drunk!" in front of everyone as you're drinking your second gin and soda. Interrupting a conversation with a new hot guy is a total pussy-block and screaming "You're being mean to me" is a social no-no.
Clearly, no one is socially perfect and people make mistakes. However, how many strikes do you allow your dating partner to make before you call an out? 47.
Where do you draw the line at social inadequecies? My best friend is the biggest clothes snob in the world and her boyfriend bought her a tacky fur coat from Cold Water Creek. Mind you, she only shops at Banana Republic and Armani. Her boyfriend even left her purse on the subway and forgot to take it with him when they got off the train. He figured, "Someone will return it." Hey Buddy. This is New York, not fucking Kansas. No one returns lost items, especially a bag with Tiffany jewlery and Steve Madden shoes.
The worst buzz kill in the world is when your girl friend yells, "You're drunk!" in front of everyone as you're drinking your second gin and soda. Interrupting a conversation with a new hot guy is a total pussy-block and screaming "You're being mean to me" is a social no-no.
Clearly, no one is socially perfect and people make mistakes. However, how many strikes do you allow your dating partner to make before you call an out? 47.
Sunday, May 1
I've already done about twenty things today and it's only 6pm. I am bored out of my mind. I have actually surpassed boredom and entered into a dead-dom. No one is answering their phones, I've gone to about thirty stores already, played at the dogpark, laid out by the pool, worked out twice, and listened to the new Moby CD. I've done my laundry, vacuumed, and sort of did the dishes. What the hell else is there to do?
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