I figured out why I like Target more than Walmart. Walmart clutters their aisles with crap and junk, while the opposing store keeps their aisles clear and pristine. At Target, there is room to meander abouts without assailing a customer or knocking over a display of hemorrhoid ointments.

Oh and let's not forget to mention, Target is red-neck-free.

I'm watching "A Man Apart," starring Vin D. Now, his fragile skinny ass wife gets shot and dies in the beginning (sorry for the spoiler). If the stupid woman had put some meat on her bones, maybe, just maybe, the bullet would have gotten stuck in some fatty tissue and not have killed her.

This is why skinny girls suck.

I learned a good cause and effect relationship today. My dad taught me that "When you eat, you gotta go take a shit."

My alarm went off at 1am, 4am and 6am. Don't ask me why and how. The ghost from Gothika snuck into my room and played tomfoolery with my gadgets.

I also had a dream that I was in a loony-bin and they wouldn't let me out, no matter how normal I tried to act. Instead of living the rest of my life with them crazies, I escaped, climbed a huge ass tree, and hopped into a race car that my cousin drove. ...oops, I just remembered that I got shot.

Hmm, I guess I thought this story was going to be funny, but now I'm a lil depressed.

I'm having one of those days. You know, you want to stab people in the face. This morning I put two contacts in the same eye, wore non-matching earrings and spilled coffee on my beloved too-small-to-be-wearing-at work light yellow shirt.

Today, they installed a new showerhead in my bathroom. I went home to run with the dog and jumped in shower. Little did I know, I had entered a mansoon region. The water was spraying 2312 mph and the shower curtain was blowing from the hydro-produced winds.

When I asked for a massage shower-head I thought I sign-up for bathtime fun, but instead I adopted El Nino.

I had to do the "lay down and button up the jeans" this morning. I haven't donned my denimns in a year and now I know why. I can't breath. Jebus, help me.

Remember, back in the day when I wrote about staircase hoggers. Well, today I was in a hurry walking down the steps when this asshole metro with a 1996 Abercrombie necklace was coming towards me. Not only was he tall, obtrusive, and obnoxious looking, he was with two other people.

Metro-ass was oblivious to anyone but himself and his small penis and refused move aside for me, a laptop, and a giant tub of peanuts. So, I did what any decent American citizen would do, knock the shit out of his arm and kept on walking.

Biotch.

Thursday, September 16
Here's a hint for all staircase users. Even though the stairs are wide, it doesn't mean that every inch should be taken by you and your posse. Just because you're part of the West Side Story gang and feel the need to walk in formation, you do not have the right to blockade the walkway. If you're going up and I'm going down, one of you will be smacked by my appendage. You and five of your friends need to scooch a little to make room for the other-direction people.

This goes to hallway walkers as well. I know your conversations are enthralling and you must hear every word of your walking companion(s), but if I need room to get through, someone will get hurt. Oh, and walk faster than a geriatric on Xanax. Passersby are obviously on their way to somewhere and that place ain't ya'lls asses.

In this mini copy room, there are bathrooms. As I was cutting my photos on that death machine (the big ass hack saw used to resize paper), a lady went in the bathroom. But before she stepped in, she sighed a big, "OKAY," like she was getting ready for battle.

I do not want to hear people voice their 'go get it' attitude as they're about to relieve themselves. It's like they're announcing to the world that they're bout to drop some bombs.

HEY HEY HEY!

Who the hell put Christmas AND New Years on a Saturday? We don't get a weekday off for during the holidays because Xmas and NY falls on weekends. I feel robbed.