I got nothing to say. Well I do, but i dont know if I can put my thoughts together in a coherent mannter. I mean, Hibernation Nat is back in effect and I dont know to what I should attribute it or if I even need to explain my behavior. All I know is I'm pretty content as it stands and I have to fight off external influences to get me to go out and get wasted.

It's like during the summer, I can stay out, bullshit all night, and feel refreshed, but when winter hits, I can hardly even stand a conversation with someone else and I feel totally drained when I go out with a bunch of people. I don't meet the DSM criteria for Major Depressive Disorder or Major Depressive Disorder Not Otherwise Specified or MDD with seasonal pattern. Maybe I should leave myself alone! :P Hm...man. I knew I would go even more crazy once I started studying psychology...I wonder how weirder I'll get in four to five years.

The worst thing to say to Natalie at a bar: If you came with me, you're leaving with me.

um so someone thinks that i've been distant latey. yea i've been distant lately because i don't want to be around someone who makes sarcastic jokes and busts my balls about everything. i mean, can i friggin eat, sleep, and study the way i want without you having to make some stupid ass comment? please.

i figure, i'm 24, do i really need to put up with juvenile behavior? i swear, some people act younger than they do, some people act older, and some people act plain bitchy. yep, that's a callout on me.

maybe shame on me for never having to make new butt buddies before, but i really really don't like having to explain my actions or have people ask about my whereabouts 24-7. i mean, it's one thing to be bffs with my classmates, but it's another when things get muddy and gossip begins. it's human nature for people to talk shit, but it makes me extremely uncomfortable when i hear them talk about each other because who the hell knows what they say about me when i'm not there. if i don't get involved in the mess, then i don't have to worry about the shit labels they may or may not put on me. mind you, as psychologists, we are predisposed to put labels on everyone and everything.

it's like, my friends back home know about my hibernation periods and they know about my moods and they give me shit, but i know they don't think i've gone off the deep end (and if they do, they let me be). my friends here think i'm pulling a disappearing act, which i am because of finals, papers, studying, time change, and weather change. people at home know about my seasonal hibernation, but the kids here don't and if i tell them about it, then they'll label me depression disorder with seasonal pattern because thats what we do!

additionally, i'm accustomed to having every minute to myself monday through friday and then going out on saturday nights to meet my friends, apparently here, they want to hang out every other night. i don't need that, i dont want it, and i don't have time for it. i did have my crazy going out all the time thing when i first got here because i had no homework or papers or my textbooks. now, i have a ton of shit to do and i need to be coherent and well rested. i dont like to chill with others all the time. i may have given that impression when i first got here because it was residual Party Nat from the "NC Summer of Nat".

of course, i'm exagerrating because i'm slowly losing my mind studying all these mental disorders. i'm going to become that crazy psychology professor with wacked out hair who talks about doing acid and how great the seventies were.