uh oh. i think i'm becoming a nerd. homework kind of relaxes me. or is it only an anxiety reducer? you know what is a perfect night for me? watching the Sopranos or a tv show on DVD and eating dinner. i love going out and meeting cute boys, but on a daily basis, i like to watch tv shows without commercial and munch on healthy snacks. weirdness!

I'm so tired, hungry, and worn out that I feel like dropping onto the floor and crying, but I can't cry because I have to finish this paper.

It is amazing to see how far I've come in life. I remember sitting in history class in the eighth grade and deciding that I wanted to be come a psychologist. I remember sitting in the dorm my freshman year of college hacking up a shitty paper just to get by and staying up until 3am drinking to celebrate having written the introductory paragraph.

Now, I'm on my way to getting a PhD (just 4.8 more years, plus two year post-doc :X) and I actually care about the quality of my work. I used to turn in half-assed crap and refuse to edit papers before turning them in. Now, I do several revisions before I can feel comfortable emailing it to the professor. I feel so old.

Not only do I feel old, I am apparently becoming old. I bought these cute shoes at the mall yesterday (during my brain break), and I completely love them. The only kicker is, they are Hush Puppies brand. Only 80 year olds or people with club feet wear this brand of shoes.

Apparently my brain works in short waves and not a constant stream. Maybe I have ADD, maybe I was a crack baby. I don't really know.

One positive aspect of moving out to California is that I have no one to talk with at 2am so I have to post my thoughts on the blog. Yay for moving across country.

I, never in my life, thought living far away from home would be such a mental and physical shock. Don't get me wrong, I love it in California, but it's been such an adjustment ordeal. I haven't done homework in two years and now that's all I do. I haven't had to sit in a chair for more than 30 minutes because at oldwork, I got up every ten minutes to dick around the building. I'm dying here with no disposable income. Oh, yes, I have been spending, but now the guilt is overwhelming because there is no paycheck coming at the end of the month. I see loans dwindling before my stressed out eyes. Finally, I haven't watched tv in two and a half months. What the friggin hell. I don't know what movies are playing, I don't know what people are wearing, hell, I don't even know what kind of beer I'm supposed to be drinking (if I did drink beer). Lord help me before I go crazy.

I could type out all the good shit thats going on in my life, but that wouldn't be entertaining, now would it? Did I mention I'm doped up on strong tea, a 15 page paper on e-therapy, and spinach salad?

It's weird meeting others who are as neurotic as I am. I look at these individuals and pity their unenjoyable lifestyle and want them to change for the better. Yet, I can't see myself living any other way than the high-strung way. How would I get shit done? How would I ever get good grades if I don't prepare ahead of time or study my ass off? What happens if I don't freak out and forget to do my homework, bring a book to class or get my brake pads done on time?

Graduate schools are full of neurotics. I am definitly never getting up with someone who is a grad student. They are shit crazy.

Considering the amount of time I use listening to WCPE on i-tunes ( a classical station based in Raleigh, NC), I should really donate money when they're soliciting funds.

I got 5 cents with their name on it.

Boy from home sent me a pink shirt that says, "NO TOUCHING." The shirt conveys several meanings. The first being that it is a quote from Arrested Development and that line kept our friendship alive during the summer. The second meaning, conscious or unconscious, is that no one but him is allowed to touch me. I'm all for not letting douchebags touch me, however, mommy needs some loving soon. I've had two dreams that involved making out with a male individual this past week. There's only so many more weeks I can handle not making out with someone whilst hanging out in a bar intoxicated.

Maybe I could ask douchebag to spray me down with beer as a means to unhornification. He did a damn good job turning me off this weekend.

Everyone is going out on a Wednesday night (tonight). Now, I would go out but I have to be awake and not hungover to write my paper tomorrow. Why am I writing my paper tomorrow? Because I'm supposedly going to San Fran on Friday. Now, why don't I just do my paper on Saturday? Because I have to work at the Italian shop. Then why not Sunday or Monday write the paper? Because I have a neuro exam for which I have to study. Yes, it takes that many days to get all that information in my head and do homework for my other classes. Grad school is hardcore crazyshit and I hate feeling like I'm missing out on drunken fun times. Damnit! I'm kind of proud of myself for not being persuaded to go out tonight. It takes a lot for me to stay away from the hot boys.

The guy emailed me back with an apology (the one who threw beer on my friends and I because he thought I was playing hard to get). He apparently does not remember being a complete psychotic jackass. Everytime I do something stupid, I'm going to blame alcohol, even if I wasn't drinking.

"I'm sorry I'm cutting you in line. I'm drunk. I'm blacking out right now. Please forgive me."

"I'm sorry I ate the last piece of your apple pie. I was drunk. I don't remember ingesting the delectable juicy dessert for lunch. I blacked out. I don't usually drink at noon."

"I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend. I've never done such a thing. I dont think he was even that good. I blacked out."

"I'm sorry you're so ugly. Oh, don't worry, I won't remembering saying this tomorrow."

No, Parker has not been pissing or shitting in your 'garden.' The garden is also three feet away from my window. Why would I let him defacate around my living area? And even if I had let him crap in your garden, you best be happy that I'm giving you free manure. People pay premium price for that kind of stuff.

I'm studying at the Stanford business school library and there are so many hot guys; i can't even stand it. the only really freaking sucky part about being here is that i don't have internet access on my laptop. fuckers.

the stanford med library has no good looking people. ugh.

Last night I co-hosted a cocktail party with my friends. The party was for our first year classmates and it was pretty damn awesome. We had proscuitto, brie, crackers, chips, apples, wine, wine, wine and beer. This is what I learned.

1. Skinny ass white girls who look like they love Jesus and read the Bible, drink lots of champagne and talk about getting crazy.

2. Don’t hand off your digital camera to drunk hippies to take pictures of you because they’ll drop it and the camera will break.

3. Be happy that you never accepted any ‘hanging out invites’ or makeout with someone who happens to have major anger management problems. He will get ragingly drunk, feel like you jilted him, shake up a beer, and spray it on you and your friends.

4. Don’t allow a free spirited, emo-loving, punk rocker create a cocktail dj mix. Some crazy crap will come spewing forth the stereo.

5. Avoid passing around a bottle of Ketel One and taking large swigs without chasers.

6. Bring the party balloon and tie it to a bush outside so people can find the house.

7. Don’t demand fresh ground pepper because then you’ll be labeled HM for high maintenance.

8. On the cocktail party invite, find out the house number before sending it to your classmates. Stipulating that there will be some sort of “sign” to signify the location will not suffice.

9. Making jello shots in bathroom cups is cute...but not if no one can get the said jello out of the cup. Provide spoons.

10. Stay at least 2 inches away when sniffing a rose. Pollen will shoot up into your nasal canal and cause temporary respiratory problems.

11. Start cleaning when you don’t want to talk with someone who is a raging piece of crap.

12. Ask your guy friend to walk you to your car because your new stalker will come running out of the house looking like he wants to start a fight with a tree, car, you, and/or your friend.

13. Classmates who like to dress up, hang out, smell good, and party are fun.

14. Remove the sign on your forehead that says, “Freakshows Welcomed. Please Start Liking Me Starting...Now.”