What I learned today at work:

1. I have "no authority."

2. I should be embarrassed by all the miscommunication between I, the application dept, and the professor.

3. I should accept all duties any faculty member thinks I should perform, such as jumping up and down making chimp noises.

4. Crying in the bathroom is an activity that will continue even after college. You think that all those years you cried in the bathroom during elementary, middle, highschool, and college are behind you, but you are wrong, my friend.

5. Do not dress like a school girl assuming that you will not see anyone important. Wearing cute and inappropriate outfits to work means that you will end up going to surprise meetings and running into bosses in the most obscure places.

6. People are weird, even if they have multiple degrees. The professor that became irritable today said this to me in our meeting, "I don't trust participants that do surveys online. If the study asks for a woman that is heavily menstruating, it's probably a 16 year-old boy doing the study."

A professor whom I have never exchanged more than a "hi" in the hallways said the word menstruating. People of all kinds are freaks.

Why is it when you speak in front of a large audience, you think you're screaming at the top of your lungs, but in reality, no one past the first three rows could hear you?

I'm dressed like a catholic school girl today. I just couldn't see myself wearing anything else. I need comfy shoes to run errands during lunch, my pants don't fit right because I'm stacking on pounds, so I'm donning a skirt with knee high socks, bowlingish shoes and a black sweater top. I bet I look like a slut. I just hope it will affect my raise in a positive fashion.

To my dismay, today was laundry day. An absence of clean socks and comfortable thong underwear are signs that its time for a trip to the apartment washing facility. I was stuffing my dryel bag with as many dry clean only clothes and when I could no longer shove additional items, I searched for a dryel sheet. My heart dropped to the floor when I realized that I had none in my laundry bag.

"What did you do?", you ask. Do not lose faith in me, my friend. Of course I had a grand solution to my unexpected problem. I grabbed a fabric softener sheet, wet it in the recreation center bathroom, and threw it in the dryel bag. Voila! Home-made, probably ineffective, cleaning mechanism for my fine clothes.

I am the poor and lazy modern day MacGyver.

There comes a time in a person's life when she has to realize that a man will not give her the love you want, but a dog will. This is why I am going to adopt a cute little black Chihuahua.

Dogs do not have STDs, leave dirty laundry on the floor, or run off with another owner.

I woke up this morning, thinking it was Thursday, but it's only Tuesday. Abominable Tuesdays. What has Tuesday ever done for me but offer two pizzas for the price of one and an extra twenty pounds on my once nice figure during my freshman year of college?

I don't know if I would be considered ghetto or ingenious for the following act:

After stabbing myself repeatedly with a sewing needle and forgetting to purchase a thimble at the store, I remembered that my game of Monoply came with its own thimble, and now I'm using it to protect my fragile little finger.

Mr. Groundhog man came out of his hole today and saw his shadow.

I would hate to be Mr. Groundhog. He's pulled out of his warm sleeping hole by a perverted white man grabbing his ass and hoisting him onto a podium like a one-animal side-show.