The nightlife is comparable baseball.

Frat parties are like college baseball teams. It's fun to watch and go for a while, but no one has a secure future. All the boys are immature alcoholic assholes.

Bars that allow 18 year olds are like the rookie teams. It's exciting knowing that everyone in the bar is legal to fuck, but there's no challenge in the game.

Clubs that allow only 21 year olds are like the minor A league teams. Everyone gets a lot of ass, lives in the now, and no one gives a shit about tomorrow.

Posh clubs that allow 18 year old girls and any guy over the age of 25 are like the major league teams. The members are highly paid, hot, knows how to please a women in bed and all the girls are willing to give up the poon for a free drink.

Guys cannot have just one girl. They must have many to satisfy their testosterone driven penises. Its like girls and shoes. Even though a girl may own and love one pair of shoes, she still has to buy additional pairs to wear when the beloved pair doesn't match her clothes. Girls must have a collection of footwear, just like guys must have a group of hoes.

Why do people come look for me during lunch hours? Don't they know that peons have to eat as well? I am not in the office at 12:33pm. I am still not in the office at 12:40pm. Stop dialing my number. I AM NOT HERE BECAUSE IT IS LUNCH TIME.

Universal Law states that from 11am to 1pm, productivity will cease.

Why is it when you go into a gas station, you come out smelling like a chain-smoking eighty year-old?

MA-ntras

"he's cute, but short"
"its not as bad as it seems"
"i don't feel good"
"i feel like ralphing"
"wt fucking f"
"wah wah wah"
"fucking shit"
"asshole"
"shitbag"
"eeeehhhhh"
"i'll think about it"
"i'll ponder the situation"
"what the shit are you talking about"
"they love that shit"
"wah tha fah?"
"T-T-Y-L"

Here's an email I sent to my friend's today:

yes too many damn interesting things.
after i left you and diamond, sarah called so i went
over there to chill and workout with her. after we
were done with our sheningens, i left her crib cuz it
was late. parker and I were on I40 west, on our merry
way home, having fun times together. its usually a
35minute drive so i was getting nice and comfy, about
to call krystal on the celly.

i passed an exit to cary and i was rolling down
the highway when suddenly my car slowed down, the
"check engine" light came on, and then the battery
light came on. i pulled over to the side of the
highway, goin 5mph. my car died right there, in front
of exit 290 Cary at 845pm.

I was in my workout clothes, tired, hungry, sweaty,
and with parkerpoo. I was like. "WTF. how the hell am
i going to get home. omg. i'm goin to die on the side
of the highway, this is goin to cost me an arm and i'm
hungry damnit"

I called triple A, was on hold for 10 minutes and got a
truck. I figured it was the fucking battery so i
told them to get tow truck just in case Millie was
unable to be recissitated. The triple A lady was like
" do you want the police to come out there for you?"
and all i could picture was mikey, ed and the rest of
the folks [these police recruits] comin to chill with me on the side of the
highway, waiting for towman.

ha. anywho, towman anthony came and checked out the
car. first, he was gion to install a new alternator
for me, then found out it wasn't the alternator, but
something with the fuel filter. so i was like fuck.
"how da hell am i giong to get home and how the f am i
going to get to work tomorrow?!"

anthony was nice and offered to take me home in the
towtruck. he was trying to figure out a way to take me
home and not have the boss know that he wasnt gion to
charge me for the ride cuz he felt bad for me and
parker. I got in the huge towtruck while he chained
up millie. when he got back into the truck, he started
laughing.

I was like "what you laughin about?" he said, "you
know your gas tank meter is empty?" and I said, "ohyea
its broken. i just filled it up the other day. i turn
back the mileage thingy everytime and ive only driven
80 miles today."

then..after like 30seconds in the truck with antnee,
i remembered i did go to the gas station fri night,
but it was closed. When i was on the road early morning saturday,
i knew that i went to the gas station the night before, so I
put my mileage thing back to zero, forgetting that I
DIDN'T get gas cuz it was closed. i was driving
around town with a near empty tank for two days.

I started crackin up and was like "it IS just the
gas! OMG THIS IS SOO EMBARRESSING" anythony, was
like"..its okay. ha"

so he took me to the nearest gas station in cary and
filled it up..and it was just that.. an empty gas tank
and not a fucked up engine. thank the lord praise
jesus.
anywho, so i tipped him 10 bux and went back on the
road.

very traumatic, didn't go to bed till really late, i'm
very cranky.

this story could have taken only three lines, but as
you can see i rather do this than work.