List of Awkward Moments:

1. Walking down the up and down the hall passing the same person.

2. End a meeting with the bossman, then running into him two minutes later and ignoring each other.

3. Holding the door for someone while entering the bathroom, then hearing her poop.

4. Cutting someone off in the parking lot to get a good space and standing in the same line at the shopping center.

5. Talking to someone then realizing that you had spinach stuck to your teeth.

6. Someone knocks on your office and they can see you trying to get your shoes back on to open the door.

7. Talking to someone really nice and thoughts about them being fat and ugly pop into your head.

8. Walking around like you're so cool and then you trip over the sidewalk.

9. Running into the same apartment people that always comment on the weather or the size of my dog.

10. Stalking the neighbor with toilet paper hanging from the back of your shorts.

Don't you hate people that state the obvious?

Downstairsdoctor's car sat in same parking space for seven days and I began to wander where he went. Did he visit his girlfriend in another state? Did he go on a fabulous vacation out of the hell hole that is North Carolina?

The other night I ran down the stairs to take Parker to pee and I saw downstairsdoc going into his apartment. He heard my thunderous footsteps and looked up at me. I, like the stalker I am, asked, " Were you out of town?" He said he had been in Kentucky, chilling with his folks.

I noticed the sweat dripping off his muscular body, and I commented, "Did you just work out?" and he replied that he ran around the complex.

It's like adults have nothing better to say than stating the obvious. Instead of beating around the bush, we should get straight to the point and say, "Hey, I think you're cute. Let's get it on."

If you're over the age of forty, have a beer belly, and extremely pale, please keep your shirt on. I don't care how hot it is outside.

Am I perverted if I like to smell my puppy's stomach?