this is fantastically retarded. and i feel bad typing out retarded because it is non-pc. now, where is my medusa frame of mind? my heart of stone? i need it back. no more revealing feelings of inner feelings and thoughts to stupid crushes. they are retarded.

i miss california but dont tell my friends that. they should move to cali so we can all hang out all the time. shhhhhh!!!

them strippers can dance.. well one could with the pole.. i wanna learn how to pole dance, snowboard, and surf before i die. spank you.

ill briefly mention the boy from school who likes me and made me tell him i like him too. anyway, on a sadder note. i can't fit into stupid clothes anymore. i got skinny then gained weight and now i'm beyond what i need to be. fucker! bah. i'm depressed and it's my bday and i couldn't fit into the dresses i tried on at BR. What a depressing experience. fuckers. okay that is all. now i must get happy because i am 26 and i dont want to feel sad or fat anymore. bah!

i'm such in a foul mood because boy hasn't text me back after I texted him a merry xmas. what a disappointment. i'm trying not to take such little things personally, but it's hard. i know he's no good for me and that we have major life style differences, yet i am compelled to seek his attention. why, damnit, why?

is it because i have low-esteem and i try to find acceptance from someone who isn't the best that god has to offer? if he doesn't accept me then nobody else will? possibly. is it because i have no better prospects out there and i am taking the first cute guy who i know and making him into something more than he should be? maybe. is it because there was a major drought in the boy department and he was the first sign of the upcoming rainy season? probably.

well, until i get my senses together and my pride intact, i shall sit here and stew. hopefully in the next two hours and 42 minutes i will get over him because i will be 26. i will be officially over my quarter life crises. yes, thank you!