OKkay i'm sick today, which would explain my delirious post from last night. It's really hard to force myself to sit still for more than ten minutes. I have ADD plus ants in my pants 24/7.

I woke up this morning and looked at the clock: 2:13. I blinked and rubbed my eyes about five times thinking I was hallucinating. "It had to be 12:13, not 2 in the afternoon," I thought to myself. However, I was wrong. What the hell is wrong with me?

I will never have children, get married, or commit to a boyfriend. I can't stand Parker stalking me throughout the apartment and wanting attention. All he wants is my love and physical attention, but all I want is to not be near anything furry.

I'm glad I got Parker, not because I'm happy to have a dog, but because he has taught me that I should never ever ever give birth to a human or agree to move in with a boyfriend.

It's so bad I even shut the door in anger so Parker won't follow me or look at me with his puppydog eyes. He is like the ever annoying roommate who wont' stop nagging me and asking me how my day was.

I think I may be okay with being alone forever because seriously, I will end up murdering whoever convinces me to be his life partner.

How did I get so controlling and evil? All I know is if I were to commit to someone, he would have to not talk, not move, not look at me until I say so. He can't breathe, eat, or go to the bathroom without my permission, although, he's not allowed to ask for my permission. He can only move when I give a silent nod to do so.

If a girl is by herself at the gas station at 2:15am, don't approach her with your big obtrusive red SUV. She is obviously ignoring you if she didn't look your way as you screamed "HEY, GIRL!!!" the first time or divert her attention to your direction when you are yelling "HEY HEY HEY!" as she walks out of the snackshop.

There is no need to swerve your large vehicle in her pathway in hopes that she will suddenly realize that you are trying to get her attention and freely give you her number.

Stop being a freakshow stalker and let the girl get her snacks and gas without getting harrassed or fearing for her safety at 2am. Didn't your mother teach you anything?

Maybe I have a worm, maybe I'm pregnant, or maybe I'm just fat, but I can't stop wanting to eat today. Maybe I'm giving birth to a big fat worm.

I hate lenders.

Cross your fingers, pray to God, rub Buddhas fatass belly that I sign this lease and get a check out to Cali!

I have no coping mechanisms for this type of stress. That's it. I'm drinking myself half-stupid tonight.

You know what sucks? Dying of thirst while sitting through a movie, dying of hunger while sitting through a movie, and/or dying to go to the bathroom while sitting through a movie. What is the most horrible is experiencing all three physical phenomena while sitting through a movie.