family

lord have mercy. i will be in nc on dec26. come one come all.

lacoste

how do you guys feel about this brand?

on another note...i watch chinese dvds. distraction from the inevitable.

my little pets

hello my little pets. how do you do today?

the carlton

why people dont know the carlton? i broke it at a house party last night and people looked at me like i was doing an alien fifties dance. wtf?!

pandora

would you like to know my pandora stations? i bet you do! it's:

Al Green
Otis Redding
Lady Gaga
Michael Buble
Barry White
Queen
Marvin Gaye
Journey

Yea, I'm pretty awesome.

F2F

they are coming out with a fast and furious 4 !!!! SWEET MOFO!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH my dream of world domination is gettin closer. they knew i wanted more FF movies. HAHHAHAHHAHAH OHHHHH satisfaction tastes so sweet..more so than revenge. fa sha.

sir mix-a-lot

my perfect man would be an amalgamation of:
David Beckham -looks and athletic ability; Christian Bale- hotness, intelligence, acting ability; Jason Bateman-humor, homeyness, genuineness, cuteness; Brett Favre-athletic ability, cute stupid smile, loyalty (?), passion; James Franco-humor, youth, looks; Paul Rudd-homeliness, humor, looks; and Ryan Reynolds-humor, body stature, looks, funny man; Mayor Gavan Newsome-power, money, looks.

If I were to be a mix of women, I would choose:
Catherine Zeta; sophisticated, beautiful, smart, sugar grandpa; Charlize Theron-beautiful, humorous, philanthropic, dramafree; Eva Mendez-beautiful, flava, humorous; and Cameron Diaz-athletic ability, acting ability, height, cute, next door type, and funny.

any given saturday night

i seem to never finish movies because the endings are too intense for me. im watching any given sunday and i have to take mini breaks because it's too much anticipation wondering when sharky is going to get hurt or captain. you know someone is going to get killed or get knocked into a coma. ugh. damn man movies.

i can't do the internet dating thing. when i log onto craigst i feel dirty and lame. i will have to do it live-in-person!

Bikini waxing: it's tattooing for your vagina.

dating

what yall think about me goin on internet dating again?.... think it will pan out for the better?

fall out of love

my new task is to make myself fall out of love. it's harder than it seems.

leave britney alone!

omg the guy from the youtube video so works at the coffee shop by club monaco. i swear to j it's him!!! maybe maybe not, but close enough to swear!

booked!

so i'll be in nc dec 25- jan 2. AHHHHHHHHH new years in raleigh? looks like it yall. better prepare. and i want to see everyone so don't go anywhere either, bitches. :)

new years?

the biggest question of all is: what am i doing for new years?!

yabama

YAY OBAMA!

kanye

i'm going to say it. this man is a genius. every single (except good life) is the shit. is he made of magic? did god give him something no other man has? what the hell?!?!? it's so strange. he is awesome.

wow

mec drank too much om g it's 4 am. holy shit no more drunk dials for the rst of m life.! me playboy bunny

slumpy

I feel like I'm at a work slump. I had a huge release of stress on Monday when I mailed out the internship applications. All 90$ worth of it (not including printing materials). I only performed 5 hours of work yesterday and 4 hours of work today. On average, I produce ten hours of work each day. Maybe after this vacation weekend, I will have a surge of academic energy and I will expend beyond belief.

Now, onto the second item on the agenda. Bluto got in trouble for naming names and for me posting such names on the blog. If you would like to refer to post 09/23/08, his friend Matt's potential boyfriend status was discussed. Silly ole me posted his whole name and google alerts alerted Mr. Matt. My bad!!! Not only do I get myself in trouble, but I get my friends in deep poop too!!! Oh the awesomeness of internet communication.

The final item on the agenda, what am I going to do for Thanksgiving, what am I going to do about this stats issue for dissertation, and where am I going to find a suitable boustier for Hween? Discuss and report back.

Oh wait.. final final item. Cousin Dennis was not happy to learn that I dated an older genetleman. His only question was, "Just answer me this. Does he still have his hair?" hahhaha

scarf in chinese

i cried watching a cantonese tv show that's like a chinese remake of full house. the brother and sister were fighting and the girl got jealous because the brother was dating a girl who made him a scarf and he seemed to prefer the scarf to this book she bought for him. it was soo dramatic!

ET phone home

i dont know why anyone of you guys dont want me to call jon seeing that i always have fun stories afterwards.

sade

it's sade's fault...for making me call him. damn her.

dribble

Riddle me this. If i hate talking to him so much, why did I just call him?

Details of the last conversation is a bit hazy...something to the affect of him never wanting to meet my friends because he's embarrassed by whatever he thinks i tell you guys ..how he wants to get together, ...umm...how the economy sucks..umm... how he thinks im a "good-hearted person"..umm.. i dunno. same ole shit. different day.

so really, why did i call him? to prove to myself that im not crazy bothered by his existence anymore? that i can make a spontaneous call without prepping or getting insanely nervous? that i can leave a message without trying to sound sexy or exuberant? i left him a message like i leave all you guys. pretty mundane, short to the point, and a little muffled with unenunciated words. ta-da!

new computer

it's time to get a new computer. any suggestions? mac?.....dell AGAIN?....what else?...

old man river

i feel horrible and depressed two hours after talking with old man. no longer happy for days on end until i hear from him. just dead inside. i get happy when i think about the possibilities of meeting a new hot man-boy. what does this all mean?

my mom

my mom is da shit! she sent me dvds in cantonese so i can relearn mi cantonese!

so....

guess who called. HAHAHHAHA

old man died...not really

i called old man to apologize and i don't think he's calling me back..ever. i seriously think it's over...instead of harboring a 5% hope of reconciliation and future marriage, the hope has dwindled to .01%. the saga is almost over?

old man

I hope I'm not feeling well due to monthly women issues and not about what ensued on Friday. Basically, Jon thinks I tell my friends that he is bad in bed and we all sit around laughing at his sexual ineptness and senior status. For the record he's not bad. Have I ever discussed the intimate details of our lives with you? And even if I did, we were never in a committed relationship so friends are privy to that shit. Don't you agree? Harboring this guilt is damaging my immune system.

pee pee

the famous peeing corner..right outside my window.. at least i cant smell it on the third floor. i can hear the trickling over the music.

and the hits keep on coming..to him

I called jon during a drunken haze at 2am. he answered. wtf. we talked for 25minutes. started off good..then it derailed and now i burned the crappy bridge!

i think the world is trying to tell me something. stop telling your friends EVERYTHING about your life. you guys know everythin about me. i have no secrets. all communication is for all to see and hear. on the bus, on facebook, on blog, on myspace. forwarded emails. maybe just maybe i should keep things between me and the other person instead of getting perspectives or advice. does that sound healthy or not? it sounds very american.

family guy

have you heard the word?!?!?1/ da birds da word

word aint cuttin it

I'm going to write my application essays in the blog format so I can create a captivating, story-like essay. hahhhaha

politico

i decided to start watching the debates and read about the elections, not because I care, but because I want to be part of conversations.

FREEDOM!!!!!!!!

the final countdown

tomorrow. wed oct 1, 1pm...proposal defense.

definitely

i know what i want for xmas/bday! a ryan reynolds dvd collection.

i see, and how does that make you feel?

anonymous has been quite quiet since the posting a way-back when. hmm..interesting.

idiots

i just told a gang of punk ass kids to "stop being idiots!" they were pushing over a car/truck that looked like a ticketing patrol car, but i don't think it is. they decided to rip the light thing off the top of the truck. i stopped them from doing further damage. that's about it. damn idiots.
"

train me

I want this trainer at the gym. He is hot. He has a girlfriend. Boo!!!!

null hypothesis - proven false

my hypothesis is continually supported. boy roommate is always low-key, no-drama, goes along with the flow type of guy is totally stressed out about work this month.

during dinner making time, roomate said, "work isn't good. this project is not going well."

i did my laundry today and the laundry mat owner, dad #2, came over for a chit chat. i asked him how business was today and he said, "september is a terrible month. everybody spend their money, go back to work. business is worse in september. october, things will be back to normal and pick up."

Bluto has made his point

blutovt (10:45:44 PM): matt

blutovt (10:46:00 PM): a) not available

blutovt (10:46:05 PM): b) not cute by your standards

blutovt (10:46:17 PM): he's architecture, artsy, somewhat effiminate

blutovt (10:46:24 PM): def not your type

blutovt (10:46:33 PM): BUT I"VE ALREADY ANSWERED THIS BEFORE

blutovt (10:46:40 PM): no one in our league is suitable for you

blutovt (10:46:43 PM): case closed

blutovt (10:47:25 PM): that is my answer forthwith to all ensuing questions of cuteness, dateability, fuckability or 3.5+

AbsolutNatalie (10:48:13 PM): :X

AbsolutNatalie (10:48:16 PM): okaly dokaly

AbsolutNatalie (10:48:17 PM): got it

Suckfest Coffee

To continue with the blog theme of Sucktember, September is now caffeine induced psychosis month. Diet soda, iced coffee, regular coffee, I'll take it! Ugh, I don't particularly like caffeine because it dehydrates me, I pee every 35 minutes, and my breath smells. I also like to produce work based on my own merit, no foreign substances.

:(

I sort of want to die. All this pressure is chokinnngg mmeeee. I can't breathe. I must escape this!!! I'm learning something new everyday and I'm inundated with information. My brain is processing information at warp speed and I spend 80% of the day doing something work related. When I'm not doin that, I'm either at the gym or eating. I would like something or someone to save me.

Tunnel of Insanity

When I'm tired, sad, and delirious, I want to talk to The Dude of Independence Day Past. I swear his ad is on Van Ness and Washington. I want to email him asking if it's his billboard on the side of the building. Please for the love of god, let me make it another day without talking to him. If I can make it until October, the light at the end of the tunnel of graduate school hell will shine brighter.

HELP ME GUYS!!!

Clueless

I love it when my life is like Clueless, the movie. I love it when I feel like Cher, happy go-lucky, oblivious to the world's troubles, caring about cute boys, having plethora of money, and saying funny things without the intention of being funny. today, when i was at work, i took a quick break to get a drink of water and reapply lipgloss. one of my managers said, "what are you doing?"

I replied, "if you put on a lot of lipgloss, people buy more things!"

She said, "really?! i'll put some on!"

"Yes!!!"

i'm in hell

do u want to know what hell is? it's graduate school.

go fug yourself

Every period of my academic life, some bitchass snot tells me that i'm not smart enough to go where i want to go. in middle school, it was punkass aaron, my brother's friend, who told me that i wasn't good enough for princeton even though i got straight A's every year (i gave up that dream way too quickly after dumbass's opinion). in high school, it was the guidance counselor's book that said the top 2% of the class gets into berkeley (damn hippie school. didnt want to go there anyways). after college, it was the stupid interview prep lady who told me my skirt was too short. "hey, old craggidy, guess who got the duke job with the 'too short' skirt?" Me, you fucker.

finally, it is my grad school's internship counselor who tells me that i don't have any publications or presentations to get me into a 'top apa internship.' hey, how about telling me what's good on my cv, and stop telling me im not good enough. this is the second time you've told me my creds are not up to par. maybe if you weren't a complete shithead, you would say something good about my experience. i got into a top training program this year. how about highlighting that part of the cv, miss-obsessed-with-publications. go fuck yourself.

sick freak!

i have this sick pleasure of seeing how much i can work and not pass out from pure exhaustion. it gives me satisfaction to brag/boast/whine about my long work days, work outs, homework nights and part-time work. i seriously have about 30-60 minutes of free time a day. how awesome is that? i hope the pressure alleviates in a few weeks. mama needs qp time.

keepin the sanity

Are you disappointed in me?!?!??! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH omg. i feel like my professor...wants me to be a better person....a better researcher...... blerggggggggg

Sucktember

Everyone and their mofo is stressed out this month. If we got rid of September, you think people would fare better?

Interpersonal

Why do people think that I don't care about them or don't want to talk to them about shiz. Apparently, persons in my life hold the assumption that I have many friends to talk to about stuff and he/she isn't vital to my well-being. What the f?

I like to hoard friends and talk to each one about everything. I don't save special information for special persons. Like it or not, I want you to be there and listen to my crap. I don't want your advice or anything. I want you to be there and listen. Then, we can go talk about cute boys.I will listen to your ish. I want you to come me with your crap.

Remember, if I met you only one time, I think you are special. If I've known you more than three years, we're basically blood-related. So stop being a nincumpoop. PS. This message was not intended solely for anonymous. An interaction with another friend prompted this blog.

as previously mentioned, i am in this school and work and mall work and other stuff daze. i will be back in a short period of time. it's getting so bad that i'm dreaming about drinking. :X

bumhole

why does it feel like i'm getting bumholed by this insanity that is school!?!?!?!

wishes is tor happy people

it's two in da morning! going to wake up in three hours to do more work :X

i wish i could be funny while i'm under da gun.

fslj

omg omg flkajf;klerji3 kglkfjlakfjsfsal jklawaer

TA

Lets add teacher's assistance to the plate of shiz this fall. Awesome (insert half sarcasm half authentic excitement).

media montage

To help you visualize last night's events I want you to picture Isla Fisher and Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers and Samantha and James and his tiny penis episode of Sex and the City. THAT was my night.

brain.....

It hurts all overrrr....

hookup

oh my dear lord. guss what happened last night? i hooked up with a guy who was totally hot. 6'6''. i didnt even know his name for the better part of the night. he had to ask for mine like three times last night when he was tryin to leave, but i wouldn't let him leave. hahahahah

okay get this crap. his name. is.
cameron taylor. HAHAHAHHAhAh i almost threw up when he said that because anonymous's name is cameron tyler :X oh my jesus.

and then the kicker of it all.....i can't even say it. it's too embarrassing. call me if you want to know.

Brit Brit

Britney is back! She my girl!

Hi Ross!

About one minute ago, I screamed out my bay windows at the gym trainer who lives across the street. How suave :X.

Implosion...3..2...1....

I know I'm stressed when I listen to Dido, eat PB&J, spend a lot of money at the grocery store, and go to bed early. I have nodules on my neck, my feet hurt, my eyes burn, my throat itches, and I think I am constipated.

I am totally feeling the pressure of grad school. I need a third reader for my dissertation, I have to propose in a couple of weeks, I'm waiting for a loan check, I'm working my ass off at Club Monaco, and I start internship on Monday. I am in love with all the cute boys in the city, I'm sweating up a storm at the gym, and I want to drink and chill with my friends. I still have to see Batman in the theater and I'm volunteering at the animal shelter.

I stood THISCLOSE to the neighborhood rapper today. I avoided eye-contact so he wouldn't recognize me because I plan tape him to put the performances on youtube. I don't want him gettin suspicious on people who want to air his concerts without documented permission.

Did you know car washes are over $20 in the city? No less! Can't find it! No available hoses or faucets or space to do it myself and it would look terribly ghetto.

Guess what I'm being for halloween?!?!??!?!! You'll have to wait!

Acid wash is over

I had a dream that Greek lover wore an acid-washed jean jacket and smoked a lot of weed. Our wedding is off.

Booze and Clothes

Everyday I drive my car or ride on the bus and find many things to write on the blog, but when I sit down at the computer, I forget everything. It is sad sad predicament.

Today, the Trader Joe's man hit on me. He may be showing up to our Club Monaco event. We are revealing our fall fashion line and having free cocktails and food. You should come. Wednesday, 8 to 10pm. Booze, food, and clothes. Tis the life.

You no Boyfriend?

I didn't tell you guys about the lady who came into the store did I? Mrs. Lee browsed the sale section as I approached her about starting her a fitting room.

"Oh! You Chinese!?"
"Yes."
"Wow, you speak good Chinese. Where you born?"
"New York. I spoke Chinese with my PawPaw"
"Ohh very nice."

After thirty-minutes of banter she asked, "You have a boyfriend?"
"No..."
"Are you sure? You don't have a boyfriend?"
"Yes, I am sure"
"I have a nephew. 27 years-old like you."
"Oh, really?"
"Yes. He lives in New Jersey."
"Oh that's too far! That's not going to work out."
"It's okay. You travel a lot. Give me your phone number and email. He tall. Very nice."
"Okay. I can't say no to love."

hHAHAHAHHA

The Greek Attack

The greek lover came to the store to get his altered pants!!! I was in such a bad mood because I've been working 9 hour shifts and deprived of sun and oxygen. This man walks up to the cash-wrap and before he says a word, I say, "You're back!"

"Yea."
"You haven't picked up your pants?" I ask because I did a run through last Friday to see if he did, and his pants weren't there so I assumed I would never see him again.
"Yea I got out late on Friday."

I forgot to play it cool and pretend I didn't remember who he was. I didn't even ask him his name when I ran to grab the pants. Dear lord. All cool points flew out the window.

Oh I can hear wedding bells already!

Stress Magee

The overwhelming stress of editing the dissertation is crushing my soul. I see how this works. I recharge the soul during the weekends so it can take the hits during the week. I get it now.

I met my future husband at work yesterday. He was browsing the cashmere sweater section when I approached him about the sale. He made a racist joke too. My kind of whitie with dark hair man.

"These cashmere sweaters were just marked down from $89 to $59!"
"Well I better buy ten then."
"Can I help you find a size?"
"Any smalls? I bet all the small Asian men already bought them."
"OMG that is so true! (Let's go have sex.)"

ta-tas

i shall write a eloquent blog when i get the chance. ta-ta.

Low-Carb for the Soul

although i had a mental/food slip up this morning i still had a great weekend. i will provide details later. great weekend for the soul, not much for the gossip. hahahah sorry to pop your dramz bubble. haahahahah nothing juicy to report.

Now i'm hurtin from the weekend.

omg. this weekend. amazing. hahahhahaha

how the hell am i supposed to run at 156 bpm for 60mins. maybe 30mins, but 60?!??!?! she's (trainer) killing me.

and pray tell am i going to find the means to pay for a trainer. 8 sessions. $650. what?!

anonymous

where art thou?

no. no apologies

for the non-descriptive post of the fall. it was traumatizing and i did not want to induce anxiety from describing the horrific tumble. my ankle hurts.

Yesterday, I helped (molested) this Ken-Adonis put on the Club Monaco white Sutherland buttoned-down shirt. At first I was shy making physical contact with a straight man at Club, but I pretended he was my boyfriend who needed my styling touch, emphasis on the touching. I said, "Your biceps are too big for this shirt. It fits your broad shoulders perfectly."

He wanted me to show him how to wear the sleeves. I pushed the sleeves over his smooth-skinned arm to fasten the cuffs properly.

He asked, "How much is this?" Promptly, I caressed the back of his neck as I reached down to look at the tag. He gave me a big thumbs up after the dressing room interlude. Ahhh,..the Majo still works.

bastards

i work hard on these posts and you bastards have nothing to say. ass!!!

on a good note, shit...so many funny things happened yesterday but i got home too late to post them. i think one included me ohhh yes. HAHAHAH wait. no...shit. ohhh.. nope.. crap.

okay forget it.

nat go boom boom

i fell down the steps at the mall..my leg hurts :(

Saboteur!

Couple of issues to address.
One, why do i look at facebook picture albums of people who i don't care about? it's like a car accident and i cant turn my head away from the wreckage. wait a minute. i never look at car accidents. i refuse to add to the traffic jam. it's more similar to checking out a very hot guy or a professional sports player. i know i shouldn't do it, but i cant help it! they are too hot to go ungawked.

Second, i hate it when people compliment me. i get self-conscious wondering if Person A is watching my progress. i feel like they watch me with the corner of their eyes, so instead i slack off and become unenthusiastic. i want them to have low expectations so i can act as free as i want. they take away the sense of self-satisfaction when they acknowledge my superb retail and/or academic skills. keep the adulation to yourself. eyes off of me and onto others!!!

Last, the best way to hit on the only semi-cute heterosexual guy shopping at Club Monaco is asking for his ID, then asking the origin of his last name...and then mentioning that you watched "My Big Fat Greek Wedding' when he announces that he is Greek. i thought to myself, "natalie, don't say it. you will only scare him." then i said, "oh well. who cares? it will be funny." he became amusingly fearful after i asked him several personal questions, "how do you commute to work?" "where do you live," and "what is your phone number?"

Maybe I am a total self-saboteur. I see the gold, but don't feel like reaching for it. I will settle for the bronze because there's always room to move up. Once you get the gold, you have to work way too hard to keep it. i like smooth sailing with moderate effort. everyone is happy and no one really wants to kick your ass off the podium.

Or it's like, there are always two choices to every situation. I can act according to Plan A or Plan B. Plan A exhibits normal behavior while Plan B displays humorous/weird actions that results in funny blog posts. I always go for Plan B. Maybe I should go for Plan A so I can finally be conventional and widely accepted.

Textually Challenged

Why is it that boys are the worst texter backers? Boys believe that 95% of texts do not warrant a reply. However, girls will send text confirmations like it's their god-given duty.

Girl on Girl Texts:
"Hey are you coming?"
"Yea, be right there in five."
"Okay"
"Yea, see you soon"
"Cool. Bye!"
"I'm finding a parking space"
"Okay, I'll put our names down"
"Found a space. Walking up."
"I'm at the bar"
"Save me a seat. There's a small line"
"Omg there are so many cute boys in here."
"What are you wearing?"
"Jeans and a T"
"Good. Me too." "Okay I'm in"
"I see you"
"HI!"

Girl on Boy Texts:
"Hey want to meet for drinks?"
......
"I'll be at Jone's in thirty."
......... .....
"Text me. I'm here if you're around."
................
"Okay, I'm leaving. Nevermind."
................
...............
........................
"I HATE YOU!"

5K ran and conquered!

I admit, this color aint me, but it ain't as bad as the pink throw-up that was the last template.

Today, I was about 20 feet away from Matt Cain, pitcher for the SF Giants. He sounds dumb as a brick and cute as a broken button. I can't believe I stood that close to an MLB player!!! WEEEE!!! and I met Greg from the 92.7 show. He was uber nice for it being 9am on a Sunday morning. Total kudos to local semi-celebs.

I got to run on the field and have my face shown on the big screen at AT&T Park. I can feel me getting closer to my goal!!! Nex stop, dugout makeouts.

Pink Headache

I have a headache from the blog. It could be from the pink layout or it could be psychosomatic. I think it's the latter more than the former.

Donation

I will know if you don't donate to my 5K. I will haunt you in your dreams...and do dumb stuff at your weddings and holiday gatherings.

Newsworthy Raleigh

dumb stuff

Edit Schmedit

UGH. I keep editing and editing this thing..this beast!!! My professor sounded annoyed today. Damnit.

my apologies

okay so the lame-friend sounds darn-right mean when you read it four days later. hmm... that is how i felt then and this is how i feel now. i am hurt that i am ignored. that is all. sorry for the mean post.

Home-base

I registered for a 5k. It's a fundraiser to help charities that feed those who cannot feed themselves. Project Open Hand provides meals to people with life threatening illnesses, namely AIDs. Please throw in a buck or two or fifty and help me reach my goal of $1,000. PS. I have about a week to raise money. Better late than never :)

Natalie's 5K Page

The clincher: I get to run across home plate at the Giants Stadium. One small step for Project Open Hand, one huge step to meeting and dating a MLB player.

Lame friend

You know what's annoying? When your best guy friend ignores your text and calls all weekend, but then expects you to be online during the week or to answer his calls when he freaks out about his new relationship. Furthermore, he remembers that you exist only when the girlfriend goes out of town because he isn't preoccupied by her vagina anymore.

It is hurtful and annoying to be disregarded because he is so obsessed about the girlfriend. It's unattractive and sad when the world revolves around the girl. I am complaning and I am not the only one. If more than two people comment on your lack of responsiveness then you have a problem. She's not going to suddenly disappear if you take thirty seconds to let your friends know you care about them. Get your ass out of her vagina and remember that you have friends that want to talk to you and like you.

And when or if you start to freak out about the relationship and need advice or a break from her, recall when you passed over random texts because you were with the lady. It's going to suck. What goes around comes around, so you better start balancing your relationship and your friends a little better.

medium-toned black man

Cameron thinks I'm racist for wanting a medium-toned black man. When did it become a crime to state the color of skin we would like to date? People specify height, race, body built, hair color, eye color, job, housing, education, etc. So what if I want a certain tanned skinned individual? Until guys stop wanting a hot bodied girl, which implies they don't want fatties, then I can say I want a black man with a particular flava.

Poo

I should market my poo

just dance

remember the days when you wanted to go out and dance so bad? you want to dance and you actually dance. you plan the night at 3pm, you attend class, eat dinner, take a nap, and shower. you put on make-up playing dance music. you pre-game with your roommates and talk about seeing Big Man on Campus at Bar. then, you and the gang hop in the car driven by the DD for the night. you pay a tiny cover charge and dance the night away. it's 2:30am, everyone talks about where to go for late-night at the local pizza place. drunkenly eating pizza, you hop back in the car and head to late-night. you arrive home at 4am. all-in-all a fun ass night.

now it's more like, you think to yourself how it may be nice to go out for a drink and shake your booty. it's 4pm and you're tired as shit. after a colorful ride home on the Bart, you shower, eat dinner, flip on tv, and check the episodes on dvr. 9pm rolls around and no one has texted you about going out. you look out the window and the sun has gone down. OO! a new episode of Girls Next Door is on. yea. you sit on your ass for another hour and a half before rolling into bed. maybe next week you will make it to the bars. promise.

sore neck

I find it hard to write with the new layout. it looks too pretty and i am compelled to entertain the masses (five people) with coherent passages.

at club monaco, i learned to attack strangers with impromptu factoids to keep them engaged in conversation. i pull shit out of my ass to facilitate communication and dig deep inside to remain truthful and happy. it is hard work.

i plan to go up to a strange hot man and compliment his shoes and then ask him about his drink. i will talk incessantly about the local sports team and my affinity for brett favre and vodka. he will find me fascinating and friendly and buy me and himself drinks.

titles suck

i can't believe i have to put a title in front of each post. this is going to take inventive brain power. why do asians come to sf and shop at club monaco? all the girls look a like. i swear the same 45 year-old asian lady of japanese descent comes to the store every hour. either that or they go to the same colorist, make-up artist, and eat the same 1,000 calorie diet. god.

here is a song i want to sing (not sing) to he-who-shall-not-be-named: Get Back

chinese remedy

if you have an acute weak cold, do the following. keep your neck and forehead covered. gurgle with salt water. do not eat cheese, nuts, or sweet things. drink salty soup. drink tomato juice. eat onion, spinach, and garlic. drink everything warm or room temperature. listen to lady ga-ga and rihanna.

crack

why do i crack myself up?

wow. working is a lot of work. four days in a row doing like 9 hour days. i dont know how you kids do it!!!

so i went on the lemonade diet for 6.8 days. it was interesting. the jon detox is not going as well as i thought, but i think brighter skies are ahead. club monaco is fun. i'm basically shopping vicariously through people and i got a free outfit from the store...and they know about it. hahahah

today i went to the chinese store and bought me a bunch of weird chinese food like fermented tofu and radish, chili eel and squid, seaweed tied in bows, and 2lbs of ginger. going back to my roots!

i instated the jon-detox since 6:15pm yesterday PST. tv detox shall begin today as well. got lots of revisions and school work to do!

1. Erin, provide link.
2. I have to obsess properly then I can detox. I can't ignore all the thoughts and feelings that are swimming in my head. Once that is over, then detox can occur. Detox prevents me from ruminating.

i had a dream a co-worker was pregnant. look around guys. anyone here preggers? COME ON!!!! someone in my life is.....

i think by next week this all will blow over....and things will be okay between me myself and i. jon will be out of the picture and my life shall continue, happily without him. i can do it.. hahha give me a few more days to obsess. next week. it's tv and jon detox. for now, it's whining, fantasizing, and ruminating!

herein lies the problem. i want to hear from him. i want him to want me. i dont want to block nothing.

okay, so how do i handle text messages? what happens if he text messages me? i still don't know how to ignore texts. i can ignore calls, but texting is a new domain. you can't ignore the text as you can a phone call. it's there...the person is waiting for a reply. what if it's a pertinent question? a question that is answered easily? WHAT IF?!?!

maybe i should burn that bridge when we get there. i need a plan of attack before i freak out and reply when i shouldn't. lord. okay i wont reply.

i love the attention!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeee give me more!!!!!!!!

what do you do if i want to be in love again? :( AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

i took an emotional dump today. wow. i cant believe i saw him last night. i fantasized about running into him a billion times, but nothing prepared me for the real thing. i experienced an emotional upheaval witnessing him talk to another girl-- a very cute tiny latino-mixed or too-many-sessions in-the-tanning-booth girl.

i shook like i had a muscle twitching disease and saw stars like i had a bad case of vertigo.

today i was mauled by the pew knee majig at church. this old lady pulled the knee-pad thing out and knocked the shit out of my leg. i cursed her with my eyes!!!! and then i asked god for forgiveness. i need shin guards to praise the lord.

today i was mauled by the pew knee thing at church. this old lady pulled the knee bad thing out and knocked the shit out of my leg. i cursed her with my eyes!!!! and then i asked god for forgiveness. i need shin guards to praise the lord.

i live on the most amazing street. the gay pride comes by my window, the sf marathon breezes by, i have rappers, crack whores, and restaurants and bars galore!

i attend a church whose address is 666 filbert st. hmmm. strange? ironic, no?

omgomg..guess who i saw tonight. omg omg ogomg mog ogm ogmogmogg

omg omg omg omg omg

God I never felt this bad about money. Well, I did the first year of grad school, but this is different. I have a life and it feels weird shutting myself off from SF. It seems like to go anywhere you have to spend money and this month is a crunch. I don't get my loan check until after September 1, which means that I will be about 1,000 short for rent. :X I pray to the lords that I will get paid from Club M before September 1 and then I can grovel to my dad and mom (who I already did) to cover the rest. I will be living off of rice and eggs and meat for a while, which is fine. I can do without booze and clothes. I will have to wear the same outfit at Club M ever day. They supply you with a shirt and pants. The rest is up to the clothing gods. WOOOOOOOO. I hate asking my extended family for money because I believe my parents should be able to help me out. I hate the fact that my mother doesn't work and my dad has poor financial skills. I'm mad that they taught me nothing about money. Then I'm mad at myself for blaming my parents and not teaching myself how to "earn and save."

One day I will look upon the graduate school days and laugh. Laugh at the struggle to stay alive. Laugh at the fact that I did laundry once every three weeks and laugh that I loathed the idea of spending $20 on dinner or $10 on a drink. I will chuckle about how I used to cringe at the $3 of change I didn't ask back from a group dinner. Oh lord have mercy on my soul!

This is retarded. I picked up a lottery slip today. I see it as a $1 donation to education..$1 of hope?....What are the chances? I think it's greater than me liking an Asian Guy and the latter happened!

today i feel like i can't get anything right. like i feel like i say the wrong things, i laugh at the wrong times, i sit quietly and don't ask for change because i don't want to look like a cheapass, i email with typos, i forget to call people, i avoid the postoffice, i text the wrong people, i pray for the wrong things, i eat things that make me fat, i eat too fast, i eat too slow, i work out too hard or i work out too little. i write bad cover letters, i formulate my resumes poorly, i wear unflattering clothes, my make up is too dark, i write like a two year-old, i walk funny.. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH the criticisms are crushing my sensitive soul!!! i'm dying. i want to crawl under the covers and die. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

god i feel like a money tard today. i gave the hairdress $21 in tips instead of $12. there goes my drinking money for tonight!!! UGH! and i didn't want to go back and ask for the ten back. that would have been tasteless.

did i ever mention the cute neighbor downstairs? not the first floor neighbor, this is second floor neighbor. and he aint white either! he is middle eastern, has curly hair, is techie, and surfs. he works from home, but from the extensive guitar playing that i can hear below my room, i assume he slacks off more than he wishes to acknowledge.

the other day, he showed me the new i-phone. he whipped it out and shouted with glee about how it's the best toy he's ever had and spends hours playing with it. he said, "i dont even need a girlfriend."

it took all the strength in me not to say what i wanted to say, which was "i dont think your wee-wee will fit in that earphone hole. the i-phone is not going to cut it." instead, i laughed and pursed my lips.

i'm feeling kind of sad and i don't know why. i dont want to go to the club and meet nicole, i texted my friend and asked him to go to the pub across the street but he hasn't texted back. i got red iciepop on roommate's couch blanket, ..maybe i will go to bed early. i feel kind of chillay, but im not going to attribute it to the two iceepops i just ate.

what do you do when it's so nice outside, but you don't have the motivation to walk to the park and vege? uhhh....

Here's an update on Asian guy. Asian Guy showed up to my friend/acquaintance's going-away-birthday dinner. Two of the guests, including the guest of honor, knew about the text-message foible thanks to big-mouthed nicole and they inferred that i had a crush on Asian Guy. That made dinner awkward because i refused to smile or make eye-contact with Asian Guy for fear of what everyone would be thinking. I loathe being obvious about the men i like, especially when it is around acquaintances.

I opened up the conversation with, "yea, so everyone here knows about the text-message debacle."

"oh yea that was funny. I ended up going there really late because my friends didn't get out of dinner until late."

"oh okay." awkwardness continues.

we end up ordering the same dish, rare beef, beef tripe, and steak pho. interesting. out of the 40 dishes to choose from, asian girl and asian guy order the same thing. i was puking (in my mind), thinking about how the rest of the gang thought the ordering sitchumation was sooo cute.

asian guy, going-away girl, and i go to the neighborhood bar where we meet his white friends. going-away girl ends up leaving and i stay a little while. i could hear her smirking in her head, thinking that i was staying because i wanted to get to know asian guy a little better. ugh, even if that was the case, i don't need her making those assumptions and laughing at me at the cuteness. BARF!!!!

anyway, asian guy and i talk about our weeks and our weekend plans. i leave, not wanting to babysat. he says, "okay maybe this weekend?"

"sure."

what bothered me the most about that night was this girl totally rejected me!!! asian guy's friend is moving to chapel hill (different than going-away girl who is moving to LA, CA) and i talked her ear off, thinking she was enjoying the north carolina factoids. apparently she was dying and had to escape my clutches. i hate her for running away!!! after detox, i pay attention to girls and talk to them at bars. i didn't really see any cute guys. i think i have to do a reverse-detox because i can't be wasting time on the ladies, because i don't ever want to eat the pink taco. hahhaha

um. im mad that they have my scheduled to work a full day on Wednesday from 7 to 4. excuse me? 7am?

"yes 7am"

"i was not aware shifts start at 7am."

"this is only one time, for training, before the store opens."

"okay i understand."

:X wtf. um he could have prefaced the shift hours with a "hey, this is a one time deal , but you gotta work at the ass-crack of dawn."


then i felt bad for making such a big deal of the hours like i was complaining about working that early. i believe that i had the right to make a fuss because 7am is ungodly. 8am i can understand, but 7am? this ain't wallstreet and i'm not workin on east coast time.
---------

omg. someone isnt tired today because someone took a nap from 4 to 6 today. i was in a coma and i had a wonky dream...a dream about starving people in africa cutting off people's ankles to get tasty meat. :X

at this point of my life, i would like to learn how to share, share time, share food, share money, share friends, share laughter, share experiences, and perhaps, share water bottles. but secretly, i don't want to learn. my quest for personal growth can be really painful. and i don't want to deal with pain. it's annoying. hhhaha

im having this newfound fascination for chinese food. i have actual dreams. Dream content includes going to a chinese store and buying chinese ingredients, and eating chinese food out of chinese food containers. maybe i miss home? maybe i miss balanced meals? maybe i want good food? who the hell knows.

i'm actually glad i cannot find myself on google! :)

somebody got herself a jobbyjob! yay. one month of hard work, interviewing, dropping off resumes, and dressing up has paid off. club monaco here i come!!! nice clothes on discount, i am here to take you home with me!!

You know what I have learned? No one on the internet knows what they are talking about. Misinformation abounds. Who can you trust? Only published material?

Let me paint a picture of my yesterday, if you will. i will use a large horse-tail brush and use big strokes to illustrate the day's colorfulness or the colorfulness of the day, whichever you may choose.

I go the library, generally in decent attire, bring a lunch, and set up shop in the back of the place. I choose a spot carefully away from the library attendants, because I know how nazi-ish they are about noise and food (winking at you tyty and e), and surreptitiously snack on carrots, cheese-sticks, and apples. I sip on soda or water and keep the bottle on the floor, as priorly requested by a library cop.

On this particular day, as I concentrate on editing, the chore of the day, I feel a shadow fall upon the desk. A man, yay high, darked skin, dressed in blue and black says, "I would like to inform you about something very important."

"Dear lord," I thought to myself. I see no offending water bottles or noticeable open wrappers of food. "Oh god. He's going to tell me that they can see my coochie from the second floor and that I should really think about putting on underwear or crossing my legs better." I make a quick pat-down of the dress and cross my ankles tightly. I reply, "Yes?"

"You should really put your bag on the desk. When you concentrate so hard on your work, it's easy for someone to take your bag without you noticing. It should be in your line of sight. Just a suggestion; not telling you what to do."

"Thanks. Great," I say with relief.

"I'm Darren, but people around here call me D."

"Um, I"m Natalie. Nice to meet you. Thanks.".

"Okay, just a suggestion. Not telling you what to do," says D, as he walks away with a grin.

I'm glad "D" gots my back...back all the way of the corner of the library, on the fourth floor. Damn Spy.

As I finished editing the dissertation for the day, I walked towards the elevator. Punch, punch the down button and the door opens. A lone gentleman awaits for me to step in. I advert my eyes and stare at the wall, hoping his eyes linger the other direction. His dark skin and wrinkly skin seem to be facing me.

"Are you Chinese?" he asks with a European accent. He shuffles a little closer.

"Yes."

"I can tell. It's your face structure. I used to date a Chinese woman."

"Great."

The door opens and I run towards freedom. His checked-shirted body halts the escape. "Do you have any cultural biases?"

"What? What do you mean by that?" I ask.

"Cultural biases means having racist views."

"Are you asking me if I am racist?"

"Yes, I am," staring at me with big brown eyes and crinkly face.

"No, I am not racist," taking a couple of steps back. The linoleum refuses to open up and suck me through its cracks.

"Do you have a cell phone?"

"Yes, but I do not give out my phone number."

"Can I give you mine?" his white teeth glaring through the smile.

"Sure. Do you have a pen?" Please someone take me away.

"No. I do not have a pen. This is the twenty-first century. Program it into your cell phone."

Looking around for mercy or for lightening to strike, I say, "I feel very uncomfortable right now."

"SEE! You ARE racist! You have cultural biases. It is your parents' influence," proving that all Chinese women hate black men.

"Well, nice to meet you. I must go," finding solace in the women's bathroom.

The public library-where one goes to study or get called racist.

italians are crazy friendly. i swear i was an italian in a past life-and a quarter irish.

I hope I raise a kid with self-confidence and a strong head on his/her shoulders. It would be a shame if he/she grew up afraid of the world and timid around strangers. I love north beach and chinatown because one street separates the two and it's funny seeing the whities and yellowies mesh on the bus; chinese and italian spoken creating a melody that you want to tune out. hahhaha

no thanks to you people who do not comment on my blog. i loathe yall! justkidding. i love you.

so i'm starting a book club. it's going to be fun and easy. no esoteric books. just dating books, how-to, and pop psychology. loves it!!! who wants to join?

why do i always get food on my clothes?!?!??!?!?!?!?! dear lord. can i have ONE piece of clothing that does not have apple or ketchup or soy sauce or turkey drippings? god. i might as well wear a bib for the rest of my food ingesting life.

one of the best posts

so there's a new crush. his name is Asian Guy. He's medium height, went to a good school, and lives in the city. He is 5 or so months older than me, and he's almost like a banana, but he has an asian crew so that still makes him completely yellaz.

anywho, he texted me, "hey, meeting friends in your hood. come meet up for drinks." i get this text, a little tired, but wanting to go out. he tells me he's going at 10:30.

uh oh. that is my bedtime. i text him back, "cool :)." cool is elusive because it's neither a yes or a no, just an acknowledgment of his text without committing to a meet-up.

i think, well Asian Guy is going to be there with his asian crew and i don't want him to feel like he has to babysit me. i shall ask nicole to go with me. I text nicole, "hey, want to go to lazlo? Kevin is going. 1030. no way i'll be abe to stay awake or motivated." I am hoping that nicole will go to assist me in conversation and motivation.

about five minutes later, i get a text back from Asian Guy. "I don't know who you were trying to invite, but you sent that text to me."

HOLY SHIT. I sent nicole's text to Asian Guy. I could feel my face increasing in temperature to meet the degree of embarrassment I was feeling. I immediately sent "Oh shit. that was meant for nicole. hahah you found me out. now i totally have to go."

He said, "no worries. we can meet another night." i asked to possibly meet earlier, but he said he had to meet another group of friends at 9 and couldn't.

Well, that is the foible for the night and i'm going to kiss myself to sleep because darlings, i'm too embarrassed to do anything else.

i always look for a guy to love me when i'm poopy and when i'm cute. when i'm feeling crabby or fat or ugly, i imagine a guy taking me into his arms and giving me a hug, telling me, "hey. i still love you and i'll always love you. you're beautiful. i don't care."

i imagine him kissing me on my forehead when i'm scraggly and nappy after a night of sleep and telling me i'm cute when i'm in my glasses or laughing at me when i'm concentrating on my homework.

i also fantasize about a guy thinking that the mishaps, foibles, cliche-killings are endearing and makes him love me even more. finally, i think about the guy hanging out on the couch with me being completely lazy in the middle of the afternoon or a weeknight because it takes too much energy to go out.

all these things, i beat myself up about, thinking that i'm not meeting my potential and that i can do better in life. i tell myself i need to stop watching so much tv, i need to be working on the dissertation, i need to stop eating sweets, i need to get a job, i need to get dressed before i start my day, and that i have to get lasik surgery. well, i have to stop kicking myself in the ass about these things and trying to find a guy to love me despite these things. i have to show myself love during these unperfect moments, because they are part of me and i'm perfectly fine even in my less than stellar moments.

this is me today and this is the only body that i have today.

i want mayor gavin newsome. he is so hollywood and retahded. hahha i want him to play with..he looks so fun.

Why has no one created a link on google called "how to date a major league baseball player." I have found nothing helpful to obtain my summer goal!!!

You know, I have yet to figure out the question to "Who Am I?" At age 27, you would think I would have cemented a self-concept. I have tried on a lot of different suits and I'm still unsure. I mean the person I was at 12 was just temporary right? High school was a crockpot of identities. College was experimental. Grad school was a crockpot of shit. Maybe it's a combination of all four distinct periods of my life? There are features of myself that I would like to modify, but I cannot deny. We all know grad school was denying my true self, which resulted in complete despair and on-going days of cruel torment (eating, sleeping, boys, spending money).

So maybe I should go back to childhood where in others' expectations and ideals did not influence how I behaved and I was happy. So before 7th grade would mean that my true self consists of:

1. loving animals, small and big
2. wearing silver shoes
3. eating a lot and loving every minute of it
4. thinking girly0girls were stupid for not playing with dirt and boys
5. enjoying baseball, playing and watching
6. having very poor eyesight
7. neglecting showers
8. loving Jesus and the Big Man Upstairs
9. lots of hairspray
10. having an affinity for frozen chicken pot pies and Doritoes
11. swimming
12. bossing people around
13. creating "teams" and fighting about nothing because i thought it was fun to argue and make-up. seriously, we would choose sides and then fight (about ???). i sure loved drama!
14. crushing on Filipino boys and red-heads
15. writing in chicken scratch
16. could not understand the concept of wearing jeans or regular woven pants


I currently match 10 out of the 16 things.

what have i learned from the man-detox?

PROS:

• i walk the streets without worrying about "guy on my right" is thinking about my outfit, body, hair, and makeup.
• i don't give a shit if my neighbor has called me.
• i don't give a shit about much.
• i concentrate on buying nice, quality clothing pieces.
• i watch a lot of 'how to' tv shows, like "what not to wear"
• i get a lot of reading done.
• i get a lot of dissertation writing done.
• i work out.
• i stop thinking about how i can't move out of SF if i fall in love, and start thinking about the possibilities of exploring a new city, state, and culture.
• i begin imagining a life with my friends and laughing.
• i hang out at non-bar places with girlfriends.
• i consider moving to a bumf-ville place just to see how it is for a year or two.
• i laugh at people who have children.
• i go places alone without a friend or without a guy friend, and don't give a shit
• i stop thinking about jon.
• i stop thinking about boys.
• i start thinking about what i want out of the day, the week, the month, and year.
• i smile when i think about the future.
• i am not bothered by the homeless men in the neighborhood.
• i am not bothered by couples in the street holding hands or making out.
• i look at women's outfits and see what looks good and what doesn't.
• i notice architecture and advertisements.
• i shop for myself and stay in the girl's section. i ignore the men's section and stop envying those who buy things for boyfriends
  

CONS:

• i engage in activities that remind me of Depression 2005-2006 during which i had no desire to hang out with friends or seek human contact unless asked multiple times.
  
• i go to movies and shows by myself and bring lots of snacks to keep me entertained.
• i stock up on diet food and start restricting calories.
• i get bored and try to sleep at 8pm.
• i see women everywhere and think i'm turning lesbian
  

guess who went to the symphony all by her grown-up self last night. yep. me!!! you knows it. :P

all i see are girls. it's disgusting. i have chosen to ignore them as well.

this is the most lonely and miserable experiments of my life!!!!!!!!!!!! i am soo bored so unexcited, so unstimulated. omg. maybe this is what they call an addiction. nobody likes rehab for the first two weeks and then they find happiness once they are off of the drug. lord. i want to escape this. i don't know if three days of misery is worth the outcome because who the f knows what will be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH it's 830. i'm going to bed.

so i'm going to let go of the fashion life i led between the years of 2005 and 2008. grad school sucked the life, fashion sense, and every particle of happiness i had ever known. now that i have my senses back, i shall move onward and upward.

Everywhere I go, I see the same old hoes...bc I can't look at guys. It's sooo boring. On the flipside, I'm getting work done, phone calls made, noticing architecture, and talking to females.

i'm in total withdrawal. this is insane. this is almost like how i felt with the lemonaid diet or cutting out carbs. this sir, is insane. let's just hope i don't go INSANE after the detox and sleep with like fifty million men. on the positive side, when i cut out cheese and dessert after dinner, i stopped craving it so much and headed for fruit. we shall see how this pans out.

i have taken to listening to classic rock and dazed and confused soundtrack. no katy perry or leona lewis for the next seven days.

why are these girls falling on their butt? miss america..put some stickypads on the bottom of da shoe!

this apple i just ate tasted like a pear. maybe it was a cross-bread.

okay
so ive read like seven dating books in the last three days. this lats book says that i have to go on a man detox for a week. so no thinking, talking, looking, reminiscing, reflecting, chatting, drinking with anything that has anything to do with a male. okay this is going to be weird. the first undertaking even of my life. this is harder than going on my lemonade detox for 10days. holy shit. i'm starting it tomorrow morning. hahahaha

UGH! stupid whore bitch of an internship counselor. i don't need her to dash my hopes and dreams for getting an internship in ny. what a whore!!!!!

so i went out alone tonight for the first time. friend took way too long at this bar for a pub quiz tourney leaving me sitting at home for three hours with my make-up on, total downer moment. anyway, so i was like, "fuck it. I'm going out." i went to the closest bar and sat down at the bar stool drinking my gin and soda and decided to spark up a convo with the two nearest decent guys.

one was pretty cute, the other i wouldn't write home to momma. anyway, so we were chatty mcchats, making jokes, talking about innocuous topics, while i pretended that my friend would call me back (which she said she would). after the boys came back from their smoke break, i briskly left, tellin them to "have a good nite!" see, the guys didn't have the gumption to talk to me after they returned so i made a nice exit, leaving them standing there, stunned that i would go in such an abrupt fashion. hello?! i talked to yall first and yall need to get your shit together or drink a couple of more beers to get some cajones!

onto the next bar. i got a glass of wine (at a nice beer place) and sat down at a bench next to some cute pool players. chris introduced himself and called me his "good luck charm." after a few sentences, i gathered that he was gay, but then he told his friend that the friend was making him look like an ass in front of his new girly friend...so maybe he was closested or so close to gay that he was straight but sent out gay vibes. from afar he looked straight, from close he looked straight, when he opened his mouth, it was doubt-central. after a good 30minutes of banter and shouts and looks of disbelief from missing good pool shots, i said goodnight to another cute friend.

i say, tonight ended up being very interesting and effective towards my goal of world domination. ...and getting over ex-dreamlover.

its wrong that i have a thing for brody jenner. ...right? i'm ashamed.

remain my sexual slave. football will only ruin you.

so...guess who played bleeding love 405 times in the past month, according to itunes?...... not me?

you know what? i want to date james franco.

so, i was reminiscing the other day how I miss going to the library because my friends were there and it was easy and fun and free! when i sit at coffee shops, i feel pressured to drink my bladder to max capacity with unnecessary caffeine. plus, i like to pack my own lunch. anyway, so i traversed to the local public library. very close to me. one bart stop away. it has AC and it's very nice and clean and i can see how one side of the library is reserved for the homeless and the other side for studious beings. plus it has six floors. yay.

on another note, there was a cute guy at the gym and he headed to the water fountain in front of me. unfortunately, he was taking forever to drink a sip of water and i was like.. fine whatever. THEN, he proceeded to fill up a water bottle. Excuse me, but who in the hell drinks out of the fountain and then fills up the water bottle. what an ass. there's a line behind you. do one or the other or let people in front of you. tard bucket.

15 minutes to put back the key on the keyboard. damn you F key!

i had a dream about exlover...and i feel all sad right now. it consisted of him hugging me in front of all my friends and us standing there like lovebugs. and he was tall in the dream. interesting....sigh. no relapse. must move onward and upward!

so who knew that diet snapple had caffeine. the same amount as coke.....wide awake.....yay..fun.

one of my new goals for the summer: stopping the 12:30am and 7am rapper. there is a guy who thinks he is dmx, sounds a little bit like him, and has the passion to rap whenever he feels called by the musical gods to shower us with wonderous rapping at odd hours of the night and day. dmx brings out the boombox, sets it upon the hood of the nearest vehicle and pumps up the volume of a shiteous rap song.

he proceeds to sign along yelling "bitch...bitch...ya!" sometimes he sings the same song a couple of times, but i think he recently got a new rap-a-long cd. he stops after a few rounds and puts the boombox away. you don't want your fans to get too much of a good thing. just a little taste will do ya. a few minutes to a few hours later, our version of sinatra comes back with an encore. sweet. another teaser to last us till the next hour. the local dmx-er is the best hidden treasure of san francisco, living in the heart of the mission. who needs BET when he be clubbin' only a few sidewalk steps away.

He is going down!!!

Brett: You stay retired. You're too old to play. I have a bet with ex-dreamlover and i don't want it resurrected because you decided that you want to get back into the game. that's not how it works assnut. stay home, bake cookies (or make love to me).

and the scoring will be done after the relationship with surfer ends. he is too cute to rate... and in order to be funny, i have to be mean. he's too cute to be mean. like a little puppy.

omg. the kid i went on the date with tonight. the surfer. SO HOT. cute. all the gay guys were checking him out. he's tall dark and handsome. just what the doctor ordered. no, not the pervy doctor,...you know what i mean. i will update later... i want him.. mmmmm his parents are going out of town on tuesday. HAHAHHA

i am so livin the sex and the city episode when carrie dates that comic store owner guy....a harold to my college/high school youth.

my new goal for the summer and fall. i'm giving myself this year..and maybe next:

Goal 2008-2009..hopefully the summer

omg. i should really practice my message leaving skills. all those years leaving "hey it's me," has not paid off when dealing with strangers and new boys. holy shit.

this is a brief picture of what i just left on someone's voicemail:
"hi, it's natalie. hey...so thanks for calling (i know it took guts and there was no way i was making the first move). i just got your message (stopped myself from saying yesterday...calling you back a day later bc i'm fashionable like that)..... um..yea. so give me a call back (because that's what happens when we play phone tag. you're it). and um..i live in the city and dan told me you live in the peninsula (throwing up a red flag, it's a long-distance relationship and i don't know if i want such a thing or if you're prepared for it either). so i guess i will talk to you soon and we'll chat (who knows when we will actually make a date for a whole meal of food or drinks). again, my number is 415-555-5555 (if by some weird chance you had your phone off and didn't see the missed call and i never left my phone number in the first place so i don't know why i said again). bye (i have this turret-like need to yell bye like that)!

North Carolina trying to do right: Cnn refers to NC

apparently cameron thinks this link was useful enough to forward it to me: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/25335116/?GT1=43001

Say I wake up at 6am each morning and go to bed at 10pm. I wonder what my productivity totals by the end of the day. I think if I had to do a rough calcuation, it would be around 3 hours of actual work.

600-615-roll around in bed
615-645- breakfast
645-715-get dressed
715-745-start gchatting Cameron
745-800-check myspace, facebook, email, gossip, pluck eyebrows
815-845-open book, open Word, start typing
845-900 -continue gchatting with cameron, go to bathroom
900-915-get a snack
915-1000-type more as Cameron is away at lunch
1000-1015-do a myspace survey, go to bathroom, check cnn, craigslist
1015-1045-revamp facebook page, check cnn, nytimes
1045-1100-eat another snack
1100-1115-clean room
1115-1200-type a little more
1200-1230-eat lunch
1230-100-check email, do another survey, argue with cameron, go to bathroom
100-130-do a little more typing, say goodbye to cameron
130-230-check email and type more
230-330-nap time
330-400-check email, check craiglist
400-415-get dressed for workout, pluck eyebrows
415-530-workout
530-545-check email, check gossip rags
545-615-shower
615-645-eat dinner
645-715-watch Colbert on DVR
715-815-type a little more
815-900-check myspace, facebook, update blog, check craigslist, view some porn
900-615 sleep

if i'm miserable, i'm taking everyone down with me!

you know.. i get this stuff off of cnn every morning..... and now you're killing pregnant people.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/06/24/pregnant.soldier.dead/index.html

so now you guys are kicking people off of planes. nice work!

http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/story?section=news/local&id=6223045

i keep bleeding in lovvvvveeeeeeeee

omg what is wrong with people!?!??!!

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/06/24/grad.student.torture.ap/index.html

gangs in NC? come on, first in flight state! get your act togetha! http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/06/24/msthirteen.arrests/index.html

holy shit!!!

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/health/2008/06/23/kyung.fat.busters.cnn

im never going to get over this sadness. i'm going to be sad forever. :(

i miss old jon so much!!! :( WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WAHHH!!!!!!!!!!! i'm like a baby crying...sniff sniff. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

My new song at the moment is Bonnie Rait's I can't make you love me :( . What is weird is my co-interns and I were out on the town discussing how that song represents the relationship between Jon and I and i said I had never heard of such a song. Three hours later after that conversation, I turned on the car to drive the girls home and BAM! It's on the radio, playing on the station I left it. How WEIRD IS THAT?!

And doctor Jon has the same name is Dreamlover, is the same age, and drives the same car. HMMM!!

omg NC. stop bringing in wacky news!!! stop being wayward!!!

http://www.wxii12.com/news/16663863/detail.html

I told my dad that I went on a date with a doctor. He goes, "GOOOOOOD. how was it?" I said that I didn't find him attractive. He couldn't hear me due to the shotty cell phone service and asked, "What? You didn't find him attractive or he didn't find you attractive?"

I yelled back, "WHAT?! Why would you consider that even an option-that he wouldn't find ME attractive?"

My dad inferred by my tone of voice and screeching voice that he said the wrong thing and he guardedly replied with, "I don't understand English very well."

Damn, my dad played the race card.

to supervisor: how the hell am i supposed to write 9 treatment summaries in the TWO FREE HOURS that I have in the next two weeks. seeing that I have a full case load, there is little time to squeeze in paperwork. what? you want me to write detailed treatment summaries about their life and future plans? well you can kiss my ass.

my supervisor is being a douchebag. you cant expect me to put in a shitload of work in two days. stupid bastard!

The following is an excerpt from the New York Times section, Social Q's

My friend and I have played tennis together for many years. Lately, I’ve noticed his cheating on line calls. This has been confirmed by others. I haven’t said anything to him for fear of damaging our relationship, but I’m starting to get frustrated that he is winning points at my expense. How do I handle this?

B.D., New York

-----

The following is my own answer to B.D.

Dear BD,
Who in the hell keeps real score in pretend tennis? Use your tennis racket, smack your friend in the ass and call him a fucking liar. When it's your time to serve, wack that shit into his face. Next, take your left hand and smack your own face for being such a pussy and asking a stupid question.

Natalie

my boy 2nd roommate just looked at me like i was crazy when i asked if i could borrow a book.

i have also taken to have pretend conversations with the third roommate whenever i walk by her. i say in my head, "how do you do today," and I imagine her friendly reply, "oh great. thanks for asking. how was your weekend?" we engage in light chit chat and continue with our banter, I commenting on the chilly weather and fog that has just rolled in, she offering me a cup of coffee. I compliment the wonderful flowers her visiting house guest has bought for us and we laugh as we exit the kitchen and go on our merry ways, returning to our respective rooms, typing away at the computers, smiling that we have found such great people to live with.

in reality, i sit at the kitchen table, staring out the window into the second story kitchen of the opposing building, hoping that a tenant is cooking breakfast or washing dishes so i can imagine another life in another building and ignore the roommate as she fumbles around the kitchen and warbles past me as she goes into the back room.

damn north carolina. you be all up in the cnn news.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/06/16/tied.to.tree.ap/index.html

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/06/16/cold.cases.ap/index.html?iref=24hours

so i may not be totally over it, but i am out of the depression. i am willing to accept that it's over...for now. it's over enough to know that I have a lot of living to do and it's time to enjoy what i do have instead of what i don't have.

apparently, nobody cares about my psychological demise. i am here slowly decompensating, grieving the loss of my year-long textionship with dreamlover, and everyone is being happy go-jolly with their zoology partners, frolicking in ocean-side exotic locales. is exotic synonymous with ocean-side?

my aunt sent me a verizon phone...i don't think she got the memo that i switched carriers. oh wait. aunt just called. she was like, "i didn't send you a phone. open up the package." hahahahhaahah she wrapped a gift in the phone box with a check for money. wow i feel smart. glad i have that master's degree to make me feel special.

slowly dying. help. :(

i used to put a lot of effort into this blog. what the hell happened? damn you grad school for depleting me of my most valuable resources!!!

.i was sexually molested today by a biker. He came by me on his bike and put his hand on my butt and wanted to dig into my butt crack. I wanted to kill him. This was 715am. Instead I reported it to the police..because I couldn't find him while driving in my car.. you know that bastard would have gotten run over.

Go North Carolina making it on CNN! http://www.wral.com/news/news_briefs/story/3025668/

my first California friend suggested that I write a book because I am funny. Hmm..all my friends in NC told me to write a book long time ago. Maybe I am funny. I have several years of material chronicled in this blog. Too bad I burned all my journals from 5th to the second year of grad school. That's a good 600 pages of raw, uninhibited, original material, most of which contains, "I LOVE..." and "I HATE...." I'm sure I can recall who I've loved and hated in the past 17 years.

so depressed that i've opted to start reading books again. finished one that i started last night. reading an amy tan book tonight. i dont want this to be a summer of 43 books again. that was depressing.

no will to live.

officially depressed and playing with mind sweeper. refusing to see the light of day. :(

Currently in Bargaining phase. I promise that I won't talk to him or be nice to him if he tries to get back together with me ....of if he emails or calls or if i run into him. Promise I will be strong.. HAHAHAHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAA

poohead

More than anything, I feel like I'm just anxious about this date tonight. This is practically a blind date because the picture the dude sent is not representative of his real image.

okay I think I'm almost over it. Maybe I am going through the stages of grief. I was in Denial. Now, Anger. Next is Bargaining, Depression, and then Acceptance. I feel like I already went through Depression and Bargaining. Depression during Thanksgiving and Christmas. Bargaining, which I have been doing since day 45 of this relationship. I want Acceptance next. Hmm..maybe right now I'm Bargaining, trying to argue that I already went through the stages and that I don't need to grieve anymore. Shit.

I HATE HIM SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. I hope i never see him again bc i would punch him in the face. and then he wouldn't do anything because he would keep being the nice guy. piece of shit. i hate him. AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh. what's the point in getting mad at him? ugh. piece of shit doucheshithole. hahaa

dreamlover is a lame-ass piece of shit. and i hate him. hahha nicole fueled my anger tonight by confirming my worst suspicions that he was trying to get me to dump him and he was glad that i was the one to do it bc he didn't want to be the bad guy. fucking piece of shit motherfucker. i hate him.

should i give new jon my phone number so we can meet on saturday for wine? .... i'm skerdykat.

i have a huge contention with the tip jar at coffee shops. i don't know what to do. i guess it's like a restaurant and they pour me food and what not and then i hang around getting refills. i'm going to stare at people who tip and don't tip.

maybe i should tip because i would look down upon a guy who took me on a coffee date and didn't tip. i would label him as a cheap ass bastard.

fucking evil wenches. i hate her. she's ugh. what a bitch.

Cam is going to leave me!!!!

i have sooo much anger and hate towards the third roommate i don't even know what to do about it. i need jesus's help because this much resentment, spite, anger, and hate is not healthy. mind you, it's being displaced on other people, cameron, dreamlover, clients, etc. and i don't know whether i'm mad at dreamlover and taking it out on roommate or it's both. i need a therapist. maybe i should start talking to a mirror.

wow. everyone is being super harsh about this. i didn't do it and everyone told me that i didn't wnat to do it in the first place so why bother. EVEN MY DAD CALLED ME OUT! he goes, "you dont want to break up with him. you just want feedback."

DAMN DAD!!! You could have lied. SHIYET.

I am goin to call dreamlover today and break it off for real. will i have the guts? will i do it? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! i don't think i can :(

I don't like smelly people. they are annoying and gross.

this dissertation is kicking me in the bungholio.

as long as everyone is on board with the person leaving the apartment, there's not penalty for leaving early. yea she has definite issues. definite issues. they may work themselves out, and they may not. i dunno.

she took it pretty harshly because she's used to being rejected and she's built a wall of defenses. i don't want to be her therapist or show her that it's okay to accept kindness and hospitality from others. she has definite issues and i think she needs a therapist. either that, or i get out.

she is extremely immature in her interpersonal relations and she has a hard time communicating. she can express herself through words better than she does with humans. and she comes across more nice and normal on words so i think there's some missed connections between her brain and her mouth. who knows.

I don't want my roommate to feel like I'm leaving him high and dry with crazy ass biotch or that we have to go through this moving thing again. and i want to go to his room and be like IM SORRY I WON"T LEAVE YOU or IM SORRY THAT WE'RE IN THIS SITUATION. but I have to look out for number one. I have to think about my best interest and I won't leave a man behind, but I will not stay with crazy in this house.

We just told other roommate to move and she refused. just as expected!!! :P

it's like so hot in the city and i can't sleep nor can i go out because it's just too hot. plus i'm preoccupied with the thought of the roommate meeting during which boy roommate and i will ask the other to move.

Tyra,
What about the song made you think of me? Oh more roommate DRAMZ!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!

so i'm thinking, do i have to live in ny next year bc i will be resentful and always wonder what it would be like to live in ny if i stayed in ca? my previous thought was i have to live in ca bc when i end up in ny i will always wonder what it would be like to live on the west coast. oh life. what are you but full of irony?

current song..bleeding by l.l.

i still have class and internship and dissertation writing. summer begins on june 27 at 12pm for me. hahahah

i get my masters of science degree!!!! YAY!!! next PhD bitches!!!! so close i can taste it.

I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahha yea i saw dreamlover on monday. now we're in a fight. hahahaha i've been telling him what's on my mind and you know that some people have to learn how to absorb my information. he has been a bad boy not agreeing to go on a date with me because he has to "take it one day a time." that is about one of the top five excuses not to commit to A DATE. then he has to get all jealous sounding bc i told him i was goin on a date on friday when he asked what i was doing that night.

some people think i'm lashing out bc im stressed out about my exam tomorrow. in reality, he is hearing what i used to keep inside. this may or may not be a good thing. we shall see.

despite the lack of fanfare for dreamlover, im still sitting on his side of the stands. it's really hard to maintain a good outlook when everyone tells you to cut him off.

everyone liked long-distance ex. i thought he was wrong for me, but everyone thought he was perfect.

the moral of the story is, only you know what is right for you. hahahha i sound like a therapist.

i want to stop trying to defend his actions. i shouldnt have to. things need to get better because it's tiring to find examples of good behavior to pacify your friends. hahaa

Fine you guys want the gossip?! haahha

neighbor and i are having slumber parties. i sleep over there, he sleeps over here. no kissyface or anything. hahha just pure platonic sleepovers without the pillow fights and hair-braiding.

dreamlover keeps texting me about wanting b00bie pictures and i keep telling him no. i asked for a date first and i'm still waiting. fucker.

i have a date with this italian guy this week. he's coming back from CO and is supposed to call me to set it up.

i have oral examinations in a week. i've been studying my butt off.

third roommate is being her usual bitchy self. hahaha

OMG gettin anxious about oral examination. must keep it cool. AHHHHHHHHHHH

i love dinner dates. dinner dates who are conversational and pays :) weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. i love the city.

how does one live with someone with dissimilar personalities or are we so alike that we fight?

okay im trying to get along with roommate..so i am goin to start positive from here on out. :P

damn hippies!!!!!!!

what is the silver lining in this situation? ummmm... i will start accumulating a lot of plug-ins and body spray so I will smell good. ummm...instead of being high on paint fumes i can now get high from oxygen deprivation from holding my breath for long periods of time as i serpentine through the apartment. i will also experience frost bite as I keep all my windows open.

i think both my roommates hate oxygen. they close every window that i open and they like to be warm 24-7. ew.

i am not happy! :(

new roommate's room smells. UGH!

it may be time to start writing my dissertation and you guys all know what that means!!! writing in blog instead. these past couple of weeks has been spent reading and printing articles. time to type........

i started out with fajitas and then everyone else got burritos and i jumped on the bandwagon when really all i need are fajitas. i don't need that junk inside. i end up throwing it in the trash or just ordering the wrapped food without it.

i don't need no extra baggage. simplicity is it.

i'm over the burrito. it's about fajitas now.

i can't feel my tongue because i have toxic fume poisoning.

yea better now, buddies. i forgot .. i had lots to talk about.

first and foremost, don't be shocked when planned parenthood employees ask in a judgmental tone if you use birth control or the withdrawal method when you have sex. it is because they believed
you said that the last time you went to planned p, you got a UTI, not a IUD, because you called it a UDI.

those silly acronyms.

bad day :(

hola mis amigoas. como estas? a lot has happened in the past week. where do i begin?

we can say classmate and i had a kiss session, jon is back in the picture, sort of, and i got a mild concussions from snowboarding. that bout sums it up. school and work is still hanging around and i'm still in the process of looking for a pad.

it wasnt hostility, more curiosity. i will blame it on aunt flo.

my life is not a drama. that is what i decided. why does drama happen to me. where are YOUR blogs?!??!?!?!?!

peace be with moi.

craigslisting in the bay area way of life.

it's kind of like the golden corral of living. you have so many choices and everything is all you can ingest. some people spend their time on casual encounters, some on missed connections, and some on buying random shit on the for sale links.

craigslisting in the bay area way of life.

feeling lots better folks. i actually didn't take sleeping pills. i went running, talked with some friends, watched family guy, and had a nice night.

tonight i watched the duke carolina game with a bunch of friends and now i'm goin to craigslist and do some research while drinking a glass of wine before a family guy show.

then sleep to ring in the chinese new year!!!! tomorrow i shall celebrate. i took friday off :)

i am sad today and took a mental health sick day...although today i am my own boss. i think i'm goin to take some sleeping pills and going to bed at 630pm.

i get wacky dreams. this should be fun.

i'm listening to moby and memories of breakdancing guy is coming back to me. wow. i'm glad j and i do not have any songs or music related to his existence. maybe dido, but it's safe to assume there isn't a lot that reminds me of him. just the holiday, July 4th and possibly all of North Beach, but we won't go there metaphorically speaking.

OMG I WANT A MiSSED CONNECTION SO BAD. i refuse to talk to someone because i want our connection posted. damnit!

i think bongos are back in season....i think matthew machanoheyrieuworiwe lives next door.

let's see, what else can i say........... i have two more articles to go! i have a dinner/drinks date with someone this friday and i swore he was gay, but i think he may be straight because he's "choosing" the place and "surprising" me. i'm scared that he's straight. let's pray he is gay because i just wanted a friendly dinner without any sexual awkwardness. plus i'm so not attracted to him. i emailed him with the full intention thinking he was gay and a new friend.

so i have some new rules. no cleaning while doing homework, basically no cleaning between the hours of 8am and 5pm. so no bathroom cleaning, washing dishes, wiping, mopping, windexing, vacuuming, or cloroxing M-F 8-5pm.

i have a new research/dissertation regime i have to get on. i mean i won't harp on myself for cleaning during my last half hour of lunch time. hahahahha

ohhhh the wonders of grad school. update. roommate #1 is being forced to move by master tenant due to private circumstances. hopefully someone hot, straight, and super clean will move in! :)

apparently one of my neighbors likes jack johnson...during the day.

i do like having roommates. last night i watched raiders of the lost arc with roommate2. roommate1 slept the entire day. i think he went on a drug binge and slept to avoid the sun.

i think it's funny how my presence changes other people's behavior. take the refrigerator, for example. when i don't go food shopping, there is no food on their shelves. when i stock my stuff, their shelves are stocked. when i cook, they start to cook a lot. i rub off on people in a good way. also, they rub off on me like taking the ocd to a lower level and to have more sound sleep. no better way to learn how to sleep through noise like hearing your roommate practice piano and/or guitar at 11pm or having a coke party at 3am. they are helping me learn to live with other human beings, so that in the future, i can have a family. and by family, i mean...a husband and maybe a little girl. probably a dog. i'm not sure yet. im' not sure. hhhaha

two weeks strong. i'm thinkin of keeping 2008 celibate. the year of the rat will ring in with self-pride. hahahhaha

omg i think i have a straight neighbor and he's fucking hot. college cute boy hot. giggady giggady!

ive been going out just to create a missed connection and see it posted on craigs. is this normal? hahah

i just had a sorority reunion tonight. it was so tweaky slash twlight zone. i met up with an old friend who just moved to sf and then i went to my friend's house party and another old sorority girl showed up. we spent like 4 hours catching up. i might see another one this week and we're trying to get another one to move out from vail to sf. also, another soror sister lives here and she is now lesbian. hahahah sweet.

i feel a unc reunion happening, especially when t and e comes out.

i will admit that i'm sad about j. i thought that we would have hung out since the last time and that i wouldnt be this upset. the last time we saw each other, i felt like myself. i didn't pretend to be all girly and cute and i wasn't nervous. i was being me. i think i even snorted while watching the movies and i actually paid attention to them, meaning my mind wasn't racing with thoughts of marriage or whatnot.

well, now i feel sort of blue and deflated because i haven't seen him in two weeks. he texts me all the time, but again, that isn't enough for me. when will i learn and when will he learn that what''s going on is sort of retarded.

i will give myself another chance to rectify the situation and by rectify i mean hanging out as just friends. like really like friends. hahahhah i promise. i think i can do it. who wants to place a bet?!

so i'm a little peeved. i left a note for my roommates to help out by buying garbage bags and to take out the garbage and recycling. i lived here for over three months and i can count how many times it was taken out by either of them. two.

i admit that i make the most trash and use the kitchen most, hence me always taking it out, but that does not excuse them for never taking it out ever. i know my standards of cleanliness surpasses most individuals so i don't complain or ask for their help. i mop, because the floor grosses me out if it's not cleaned each week. i clean the toilets when i see fit, and i usually spray down the shower.

so when i asked who erased the message off the fridge about helping out with the trash, my roommate said, " i bought trashbags, but i feel whoever uses the kitchen the most should take out the trash. i'll take out the recycling because i use that' and i said, ' I ALWAYYYSS take it out" and walked away.

if you use the trash ONE time a day, i think someone with some sense of kindness and responsibility would be like, "oh, let me be a good roommate and take this shit out." apparently the ratio of usage to responsibility is quite high. each one has taken it out once since i lived here. cleaned zero.

i think this anger started to build as i stopped hearing from j and when i had to talk to one roommate about flushing the toilet and his response to my request was of shock that i cared that i had to flush his pee.

i have to communicate my feelings of contempt because i know i will run into this problem unless i start rooming with someone with ocd cleanliness. i know once i start living with a boyfriend i will kill him for every annoying cleaning faux pas.

i will give the roommate some credit though. i know he knows he should pick up some slack because he did buy some garbage bags and he admitted that i threw out the trash all the time and he's been better about cleaning his dishes within the day.

now if i can get them to wipe down the tables after use and fix the shower curtain after showering i will be happier.

there are several options i have to solve this challenge. one, stop caring about the trash and let it overflow. two, stop cleaning the toilets until something starts growing and comes alive. three. stop fixing the shower curtain and let mold form on the sides. four, stop mopping so the grime can build up and become as dirty as it was before a professional floor cleaner came to scrape off three layers of accumulated dirt. five, tell them that they're dirty bastards and they should help out. six, meet someone else and start getting continual ass so i stop focusing on cleaning and yelling at my roommates.

oh i have more...... just add these onto the previous ten..so i dont know how many that is....

1. i wear the same pjs everyday until the next laundry day. i already wear two outfits a day, not to mention workout clothes. i would spend way too much time and money at the laundry mat. it's just too overwhelming with the amount of dirty clothes i accumulate each week so adding pjs to the mix would send me over the edge.

2. i fabreeze everything. just like the guy with the windex from the greek wedding movie, i am the asian girl with the fabreeze. sheets, shoes, workout clothes, jackets, backpacks, the stairs...you get the idea. i will also make the bed and fabreeze it while you're in it. sorry dude. i like things smelling nice.

3. i take up to three showers a day. i used to take four then it went down to three. now it's down to two. two is manageable and i like it. there will also be no room for your shampoo or soap. i ban bar soap. that stuff is gross. every shelf, nook and cranny will be used by my toiletrees. i must have every kind of facewash, body scrub, and shaver known to woman. on the plus side, i am clean and i smell good. i don't ever really smell even after a good spin class.

4. i am near deaf. televisions and radios are turned to its highest level because i am hard of hearing, but put me in a coffee shop and i can hear what a couple on the other side of the room is saying. it's called selective hearing.

5. i remember EVERYTHING. remember that story you told me the second night i met you about this drunken night with your old roommate and you guys had that random job and met that random girl with that thing? well i will remember all those details and then bring it up when you want to tell that story again. yes, you told me this story before and most likely i will endure hearing it again, because i don't want to hurt your feelings. i will remember your parent's birthdays, your neices and nephew's names and who you took as your prom date in 1983. i won't feel bad if you forget the details of my life, but if you forget my birthday i will kill you.

6. i pee a lot and drink lots of water. get used to pausing the dvd or letting me sit at end seats at the theater. my bladder is either the size of a peanut or my liver is insanely efficient. stock up on toilet paper because i don't know how to use the appropriate amount. i will ruin the moment by saying, "excuse me, i will be right back" in the beginning of the relatinship to "i gotta piss" once we get comfortable. oh and always offer to refill my glass of water.

7. road rage. i'm from newyork and jersey. i curse and i have to use breathing techniques to drive. i change lanes every thiry-five seconds. i must go faster than the next guy. after the last couple of speeding tickets, i've learned to only go seven miles over the speed limit and to stop at stop signs. i also talk on the phone, drink coffee, and put on lipgloss while driving. seat belts and airbags, i have.

8. i care how i look and how you look, in public and in private. i like aesthetically pleasing things. sometimes i'm harsh on myself, sometimes i'm harsh on others but generally, i like clean and nice looking. that means i'm usually in makeup when i wake up until right after dinner. during my non-makeup hours, all hells break loose. old clothes, glasses, and wild hair is the name of the game. i like a man who shaves, takes care of the unibrow, and knows what a hair-style is. name-brand clothing is a plus. i'm not talking DnG, but something respectable. i had my target days, but i'm a woman now. i like quality over quantity. oh and i like new and pretty things. i value the vintage coat, the old frat T-shirts, and the lucky boxers so those you can keep. holes in socks, NO. holes in underwear, No. and i cannot stress the importance of an exfoliated face. don't worry, i'll do it for you when we take showers together. you can blame it on your girlfriend.

9. i'm pretty much blind. until i get good health insurance and have the opportunity for lasik, i will be blind when i wake up. you will have to tell me the time bc everything is fuzzy unless it's three inches from my pupils. i will immediately stick in the contacts. i wear glasses before bed. bottlecaps are in fashion, if you didn't know. and if we ever get stranded on an island, we can start a fire with them. i could say my vision is poor because i read a lot as a kid or im an asian and our visual chromosomes are shit, but really i think it's from all that super mario on the gameboy. oh and one reason why i dont smoke marijuana. my eyes get wayyyy too small...

10. i only watch school boy/screw ball comedy movies (Old School), funny TV shows (Fam Guy), and really bad action movies (i.e. Fast n Furious). and i laugh really really loud..sometimes i will snort. people have compared my laugh to Peter Griffin. dont know who that is? we shouldn't be friends. hotel rwanda, eh. ray, bah. schindler's list, depressing. good shephard, could have saved two hours of my life. that drama, think about life stuff really bores the living shit out of me. I refuse to watch horror movies. I will hide under the covers and scream before the scary part comes. as part of my career, i listen to real drama and real life-changing stories. when i chill out, i want to laugh and i laugh a lot. real loud. to an embarressing degree. friends have moved seats at the theater. if you're a funny guy, you will have to adjust to the decible of my constant laughing. i'm sure it will be an ego boost to hang out with me.

11. queen of typos. i type fast like a tweeky club slash computer geek and if i ever chat on IM or write emails, i will type as fast as i talk. and i dont fix typos either. i find it part of my charm to send 5 lines of text within ten second, mostly consisting of "HAHAHAHA."

12. addicted to craigislist. it's not fun to admitthat i spend an abnormal armount of time on 'best of' and missed connections. i like to think that others are looking at me when im' in public. i do searches for 'asian' m4w just to see if they posted something i wore that day at whatever place i went. zero thus far.

13. i will shove a mint or piece of gum your way. you will become obsessed with your breath and your body odor because i have x-men ability to smell. you will learn to floss and brush and be afraid that i wont kiss you because of the pizza you had for lunch. yea i can smell that pepperoni.

14. i worry what your family and friends think about me. i know others' opnions of me shouldn't matter but it does. i care what my friends think about you. you have to be nice to my friends and family even if they are mean and catty. you have to say only nice things about them and never complain if i make you come to family gatherings. you have to compliment my girlfriends. you have to enjoy sports and drink whiskey and beer with my guyfriends. you also have to hate the pats or just tom brady. even if i bitch about my family, you are not to say mean things. they are my my life and i love them. i will do the same for you. i will see the best of your friends and family even if they bug the shit out of you. if i really do like you and already deemed you boyfriend-worthy, i will be proud to go to family functions and friend gatherings. i will look cute and say genuinely nice things because that's who i am. i will also worry if they like me and think we are a good match. it is your job to insist that i am great and that i make you happy so it makes them happy.