Friday, March 18
I have been out of the dating scene for the past half of a year because of the single parenting situation with Parker (ha) and the bad winter weather. Let's not forget the spurnage bestowed by this MBA that caused me to emotionally shut down at any sight of pen1s.
You may be wondering why I want to date all of the sudden. Usually, I let things coast along and I will hang out with a fella if the situation presents itself. However, I have taken a step back and realized that my circumstances are totally lame. I am smitten with a boy over the internet. I have not even met this guy and I am sending him gifts and looking forward to his messages. I am appalled by my behavior and will stop this train right here and now.
One of my big problems is finding new people to date. There is no way I will ever date an MBA and I cannot even think about Chapel Hill and not wanting to puke. Everyone in Tar Heel country is under the age of 22 and wears backward caps. No thank you, Frat boy. I will take a metro any day over your scraggley ass.
The only guys I meet at my bartending job are married old men with a penchant for alcohol and young girls. That, I will not touch with a fifty feet pole.
The only option left is church and the grocery store. I do not believe in Jesus anymore so that would be a shock to the Christian boy I meet. "What do you mean you do not love Jesus? You are not a virgin? Get the hell out of my house!... but before you do, let's have make-up BJ."
The cute guys that frequent the grocery stores are buying beer and cold cuts and you know that's just a recipe for obesity. I do not want to be crushed and suffocated by my fat husband in ten years.
I need to let go of my standards and accept the fact that the only available guys right now are God loving, beer drinking fat bastards.
You may be wondering why I want to date all of the sudden. Usually, I let things coast along and I will hang out with a fella if the situation presents itself. However, I have taken a step back and realized that my circumstances are totally lame. I am smitten with a boy over the internet. I have not even met this guy and I am sending him gifts and looking forward to his messages. I am appalled by my behavior and will stop this train right here and now.
One of my big problems is finding new people to date. There is no way I will ever date an MBA and I cannot even think about Chapel Hill and not wanting to puke. Everyone in Tar Heel country is under the age of 22 and wears backward caps. No thank you, Frat boy. I will take a metro any day over your scraggley ass.
The only guys I meet at my bartending job are married old men with a penchant for alcohol and young girls. That, I will not touch with a fifty feet pole.
The only option left is church and the grocery store. I do not believe in Jesus anymore so that would be a shock to the Christian boy I meet. "What do you mean you do not love Jesus? You are not a virgin? Get the hell out of my house!... but before you do, let's have make-up BJ."
The cute guys that frequent the grocery stores are buying beer and cold cuts and you know that's just a recipe for obesity. I do not want to be crushed and suffocated by my fat husband in ten years.
I need to let go of my standards and accept the fact that the only available guys right now are God loving, beer drinking fat bastards.
Thursday, March 17
Why do people insist on staring at me through the window by the door? Do they think it is a two-way mirror and I cannot see their freakish face? I wish I had one of those automatic shades that tint the windows so stalkers cannot peer into my office. Freaking freaks.
Nothing exciting has happened to be in the last several days because I have been on house arrest due to spring time sickness. I did travel to Wal-Mart yesterday morning to forage for some food. Let me tell you, the morning customers are so delightful. The lady in front of me held up the line because her $100 bill was apparently not valid. The cashier called up the manager to check the Benjamin's legitimacy. The lady turned around and apologized for "keeping us waiting" and told the cashier not to worry about holding her up because the cashier was just "doing her job." I almost shat in my pants. Who in Wal-Mart ever apologizes? If anything, feces and frozen vegetables are thrown at slow customers and even slower tellers. For the first time in ages, I left the Yellow Smiling Conglomerate with a smile.
Roll back the prices and the joint, evidently.
Nothing exciting has happened to be in the last several days because I have been on house arrest due to spring time sickness. I did travel to Wal-Mart yesterday morning to forage for some food. Let me tell you, the morning customers are so delightful. The lady in front of me held up the line because her $100 bill was apparently not valid. The cashier called up the manager to check the Benjamin's legitimacy. The lady turned around and apologized for "keeping us waiting" and told the cashier not to worry about holding her up because the cashier was just "doing her job." I almost shat in my pants. Who in Wal-Mart ever apologizes? If anything, feces and frozen vegetables are thrown at slow customers and even slower tellers. For the first time in ages, I left the Yellow Smiling Conglomerate with a smile.
Roll back the prices and the joint, evidently.
Wednesday, March 16
Monday, March 14
I have been plagued by terrifying dreams lately. The dreams consist of winding stairwells, dead bodies, and stalking sociopaths. Last night, I dreamt that my mother slashed the tires of my car, a stalker tried to kill me, and I was skipping class. I see dead bodies everywhere and it is if I am living in an eight hour CSI episode. My fragile mind cannot take this dream genre. What ever happened to sunshine and lollipops?
Stop haunting me Haley Joel!
Stop haunting me Haley Joel!
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