My grandma has more of a dating life than me. I didn't think I could ever feel this pathetic. HA.

I had the best morning!

I got to clean shit from Parkers crate for thirty minutes, didn't take a shower, skipped breakfast, and did my makeup in the car. My RA was forty-five minutes late and I spilled cola on my white skirt. I don't even get to go out for lunch because I'm running a study for faculty member during my usual eating time. I'm starving and subsisting on Jujyfruits and diet soda.

These undergrads need to stop calling me Ma'am. Please do not give me respect and call me Ma'am.

Do you think dogs understand the meaning of work? Parker gives me a guilt trip everytime I leave, but I want him to realize that I go to work so I can afford his chicken and rice dinners.

My shoulder itches but I can't get to it becuase my shirt is too crunchy, stiff, and tight

Congratulations to my best friend, Krystal, who has been offered a job at The Plaza Hotel in New York City. The only reason I've been friends with her for 22 years is so that I can have discounted hotel rooms wherever and whenever I travel.

You know how when you're stuck in an environment full of non-aesthetically pleasing individuals, your standards plummet?

Yea, that's my workplace.

I'm just having one of those days when you can't stop feeling fat. Not only do your clothes don't fit, but everyone around you is talking about how they've lost weight.

Someone called me Ma'am today. Ew.

I've officially turned into an old crazy fat lady. Everytime I take Parker to go to the bathroom outside, I slip on my flipflops and in turn, my feet get flithy. Today, I bought a pair Walmart brand Ked's-looking slipons and now when I take Parker to go pee, I shuffle in my new three dollar fat lady shoes.

Today, I went to my friends Catholic church to celebrate Easter. Since I haven't been baptized, I don't take communion, but I was starving so I took a cracker when they offered it during mass.

I'm considering converting to Catholicism because their churches are so pretty.

I learned for the first time today that one should not open a bottle of Diet Coke during church services.