so tonight i hung out with a bcnh of people...sorry for the typos i don't have my ghglasses on. i drunk dialed derek....annnnddd i got home at six am

damnit b4 i could sleep 20 hours straight.. now i don't think i can manage a 30minute nap... oh lord...... INSANITY back in session.

now everyone is telling me that i was scary this summer.. being MIA and shit. DAMN THEM! hahah i figured they won't notice....they always do. fuckers.

apparently there is nothing wrong with me. the psychiatrist says i need a therapist and i don't need drugs. i demanded adderall and he refused. that fucker!

okay so yea....apparently SSRIs really don't do shit for me that is beneficial. that "Nat Factor" goes down the shitter and i'm just another smiling asian girl. sometimes i don't like weirdo crazy nat. sometimes i like how i can sail through the day without some comment about me being silly or crazy. ugh.

but then i miss the nat who likes to go out and say crazy things and has adhd. but again, the doc says i am in no way adhd. that whore. what is wrong with doctors telling me i am fine?!?!?!? don't they know that i want something to be wrong with me so i can do drugs or have a reason to be "weird?" those asses!!!!

yea annnnd paxil is supposed to be the worst with sexual side effects. weeeee.. yea well seeing that when i was not on paxil i still wasn't getting any but pining for my manager, i didn't mind that. hmmm i haven't felt attractive in a while..which could explain for the lack of estrogen and other sexual hormones. umm

and i was fighting with the doc today and challenging everything he had to say when two weeks ago i was quite compliant. AHHHHHH i like being chill zombie nat when i am with annoying people bc they don't bother me as much.

looks like i'll have to turn to fucking alcohol like the rest of america to deal with my problems. WOOOOOOO

i hate my psychiatrist. he's mean. i dont want stupid SSRIs anymore!

so i've heard lots of complaints about my lack of blogging. My mind has been playing "Wrestle The Voices" and "Die Superego Desires Die" hence the inability to be witty and loquacious. I think i became more stupid on Paxil and boring as shit.

On the flipside, I didn't have any major mood attacks at work mainly because I was a friendly walking zombie. Oh motherfucker. Am I ever going to be okay?

okay i will blame the paxil for my brain slowings...

i am mentally back in town since the last bit of the half life of paxil is out of my system...now it's all anxiety and craziness!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

um.... i have to do yoga and crunches.

ummmm sexual drivec is back so manager is looking attractive again and i went from running none to running twice a day. i swear my hormones are out of wack.

mentally dying.

um.. nope. got nothing.